(Dest’s current thoughts and emotions after the events of the last couple of weeks. It’s been a rough week for both of us. Mine is all work related though. Hers is all plot related. My brain is fairly fried from work so I apologize if anything seems a bit weird or random.)

Destiney ran her hands through her hair as she sighed and paced about her room at the company house. Her thoughts clearly not on the room itself. The bit of a hangover from the night before was not even the source of her unease either.

Granted Soren had thankfully been a gentleman. Just had not expected such a strong drink on top of her exhaustion. Instead of relaxing she had fallen asleep at the table she was sharing with Soren outside of the tavern in the South Shroud. He had apparently carried her back to the Order’s house and even tucked her into bed. Despite it being their first true meeting because she had still been in the medical ward when the group had gone to rescue Lloire. She had asked Lance to take her place in aiding them. It was Lance that Soren knew.

No her thoughts were not even on that. Nor on the way she had been working since returning from being stuck in the medical ward for a week. Granted she had been working way harder then she should being so fresh from the events that had forced her to be in the ward in the first place. Yet staying busy kept her thoughts busy as well. However she was finally all caught up on her two weeks of missed work with the Flames.The Wailers and Quiver didn’t have any volunteer work she could do either right now.

So now her thoughts wandered as she paced. She walked over to the edge of the bath water. She had considered taking a bath to relax but found herself too restless at the moment. Her thoughts consuming any chance at relaxing. Kneeling, she looked over the edge down into the water.

For a moment… Just a moment though. She swore she could see her younger self as the curse had disguised itself as when it met with the Order. In anger she slapped the water, sending the surface rippling and dispelling the image her mind had conjured. It felt as if she could hear the laughter still. The curse was gone. Yet the damage had still been done. Not to the degree it had been meant of course. Clearly though a mark had been left.

It had not even been a full moon since she had been kidnapped and cursed. Only a week since she had been able to return to duty. There had been no lie when she told the others she felt fine. Physically she was. Mentally… Things had changed. She had changed. Hells even aetherically she had changed.

She looked away from the water. Allowing her view to shift slightly from the normal. She could make out the shade off to her side that watched her. Not clearly. Yet before she couldn’t make Leon out at all. It still took effort to see aether but she was making progress. Something had changed while she was cursed. The curse had been tangled among her own aether. Maybe something it had been doing had altered her enough to cause this. She wasn’t sure.

She hadn’t tried before now though to test it. The day after she had recovered, the Order had gone on a mission. Her team had been dealt the worst. Kagato and Ikara were near death. Oni was not much better. Yet somehow she had not succumbed nearly as badly as they did. Maybe it had just been because she was stubborn. Maybe nothing had really changed at all.

Mentally though… That was where new and old problems lay.

Rhisi had led them on a bit of a trip of remembrance early in the week. Destiney had taken her bow rather then rely on her magic since she had just gotten home from work with the Flames as Rhisi was gathering people. They had encountered bandits and tempered. People.

Before her hands would have shaken to raise that bow and take aim. Before she would have let the others do the fighting against other people. Tempered or not. They had still been people. Yet something in her had shifted back into place over the course of everything that had been aimed at her. The kidnapping and being beaten by Alexois. Being cursed. She had raised that bow against the bandits and tempered without so much as a tremor in her grip.

None of her marks had been killing shots. That was one thing that had not changed. Still she would not kill. She had taken that vow when she had become a healer. She would never again kill a person unless it was life or death. Arrows landed in places that would hinder those she targeted, allowing the others to end any that chose not to flee but fight to the death.

Yet the true problem was not even the fact that she could now fight back. It was the feelings in her heart about the things the curse had said and done to her. The mental fight to stay alive. Watching the curse at first fool the people she called family. The curse draping herself on Nate… The venomous words the curse had been throwing at her for the nearly two weeks of fighting to survive.

Softly she repeated the company’s personal motto in her head as she took a seat on the floor with her back against the stone of the bath. She asked for forgiveness from the Twelve. Jealous of a curse. Feelings for a man she couldn’t have. Feelings for the ghost of a man who was beyond her reach. She needed to sort herself out.

She had to be getting ready for tonight’s mission. There was no time to keep dwelling. She would have to start somewhere. Maybe by asking Dusk to help her release Leon from his personal prison bound to a soulstone. One step at a time. Her head and heart felt conflicted and confused enough.

Later… She could deal with it all later. Focus on the work at hand. Distract her mind for the time being. Work needed to be done. Matters of the heart could wait.