Just a few pictures to share. Still have some asks an such to answer. Just been a crazy few days. 😀 I promise I haven’t forgotten them. Mission time soon for the Order or I would answer them now. I may be sporadic for a few days as I get into the swing of cookie making though. ^^/ But I will still be popping in an out.
I was making a Starlight outfit for Dest. (Which may change depending how the new top looks on her.) An Nate walked up to hug her oocly. Well I missed taking that picture so I hugged him back. XD An It looks like Dest is kissing his cheek or something. So. Cute! Awww.
(So I decided on writing this Saturday while at work but was too tired to work on it. However the scene below took place today (Monday). Originally was going to have happened Wednesday last week after Tara patched him up but yesterday’s (Sunday) events changed my mind. So I wanted to write this taking place today instead because of those events. It’s a tad more fitting now then before. Hints at things to come somewhere after the holidays. But I wanted to write this before I finished the rest of the asks. So I am getting there. :D)
Sky blue eyes stared up towards the grey clouds. More snow soon to come they promised. Something that was not an usual occurrence for Ishgard. He had trouble remembering anymore what his city used to look like without the cold and snow. Hard to believe it had been so long already.
He knew he should have returned home last eve. Was probably going to hear about it from his mother at the very least. Hopefully his father was too busy with work for Dzemael to even be home at this hour. He could slip in an find his spare armor. The chainmail he had worn yesterday needed repairs. There was no way he could wear it to duty without questions being raised. He had no answers to give. None that made sense. There was no way he could explain it without seeming as if he was crazy. Though he had seen a good many crazy things since he had started following his cousin around.
Yesterday… The man with the snow white hair and teeth like razors. The one Tenrai had called a foul water sprite. His left hand came to rest over his right shoulder. There was no real pain. Tara had taken good care of the injury he had sustained. Yet… The memories of that brief fight still disturbed him. There was still no name to put with the stranger’s face yet he had claimed to know Destiney. Which disturbed him even more…
Chaotic. His cousin had some very chaotic choices of people to claim knowing. That was the best way he could think of it. Like turbulent waters of the sea. He hadn’t had a chance to see her an ask about the strange man he had found outside of Dragonhead.
It had started as mere curiosity and concern. The man had been sitting in the snow against the outer wall. Wanting to make sure the fool hadn’t frozen to death mere feet from the camp itself. There was a sort of madness about the stranger wearing the half-mask. Talking about dragon blood. Saying how it had no effect on him an wanting to test it on Lance. An then… The odd way the man fought like a demon. Trying to pierce Lance with those… Things! Like the tentacles of a octopus but far more dangerous. Their shape was not solid. More like half frozen water able to shift shape. The edges tipped crimson with blood. There was no way Lance wanted to find out if it was truly dragon blood in those dangerous tendrils.
Lance hadn’t wanted to fight. Not at first. However there was no way he was going to allow someone so dangerous to walk freely. Not in that state of madness. However he had no idea where his cousin was to call her to deal with the masked man. It had been like fighting a Hydra. Cut off one an two regrew. Until he was facing at least seven tendrils. In the end it wasn’t one of those tipped in the color of blood that caught him. He had opened up a gaping wound in the man’s chest but even that did not seem to faze the man. From there something shot out like those tendrils, caught him in the right shoulder. His chainmail hadn’t seemed to be much of an obstacle for it either. That creeping cold. Like something crawling under his skin. Then it was nearly over as quickly as it had begun. The man withdrew and fled away. Leaving him there stunned and wounded. Leaving him to wonder what sort of creature that man was.
His thoughts finally drifted back to the present as he approached the door to the house. A deep breath before his hands reached up to give it a push open. Cautiously without seeming like a thief sneaking about his own home, Lance made his way towards his room.
“Lancefer?”
He paused an mentally cursed his luck. His mother’s voice. So much for getting in an out without notice. Elviane always seemed to be keeping an eye or ear out for his coming and goings. Especially when it came to trying to set him up with a potential wife.
“Yes mother. I had to stop by an fetch something from my room. I have another shift of duty shortly.” He knew she wasn’t going to come out of the other room to see him though. She rarely did anymore. Not unless she had something specific she needed him for. Nor did he feel truly bad for lying about having duty soon. He mere wanted to avoid the possible conversation about his love life. Or rather lack of one.
“Your father and grandfather wished to see you in the study. Do not keep them waiting. You know how they hate being made to wait.”
Halone have mercy… Both of them? He grimaced an looked down the hall towards the closed doors to the study. It would have been easier to turn around an run. But he didn’t run. With a deep breath he pushed forward towards those doors. Looming ahead of him like the gates to hell. Dealing with them one at a time was bad enough. Dealing with both at once… Maybe he should have let that man kill him yesterday.
Inside the room Grandfather was his usual place. Behind the sturdy manor desk, polished to a shine. Papers spread across it’s surface. A tray of tea that was no longer steaming. Obviously they had been waiting for him for some time. His father frowned from where he stood near the windows looking out into Ishgard.
“You’re late.”
The urge to cringe was there as his father spoke. Vairemont was never a patient man. Yet Lance kept his face passive. He had been dancing to this game long enough. A respectable bow to both of his elders. He didn’t dare look up at either of them. Gaze kept down to the floor. They would not tolerate being lied to. Yet they didn’t truly know the lies he told them on a regular basis. There was no reason to give them a chance to suspect him now though. Tread careful. Dealing with both at once was like walking on cracked glass. One wrong step would have disastrous consequences.
“I apologize. I got caught up in business last eve an chose to rest before returning. It was already far late for travel back to Ishgard.”
He heard his father’s steps more then saw them. Felt his father’s displeasure. The man always seemed to radiate that feeling around him anymore. Ever since his fateful choice of Haillenarte over Dzamael. He was no longer the favored son. Had not been for many years.
“Resting at the beach I heard.”
Surprised eyes found his father’s stern gaze. Had they realized? Was his ruse up? Did they know every bit of information he fed them since finding out who the lady they had him following was, was false? Surely he had not slipped up that much to give himself away so soon. He was no shadow yet surely they couldn’t have found out. Unless… They had begun to suspect an had him followed… Or he was truly unlucky that someone his father knew was there at Costa…
“Her free company goes to the beach at the end of the week, every week. As I said. Business. Unless you no longer wish for me to keep trying to find information for you.” He tried hard to keep the venom from his voice. He hated what they demanded of him. The orders chaffed an cut at him. Defying them was hard. They were his family. Yet… They also made it so easy to do. His time among the men and women of Haillenarte had given him a better understanding of how family should be. Even his time learning of his cousin an her crazy free company that she considered family… Even they were more family then the one he had.
Fast. His father’s hand struck out at him. Hand on his injured right shoulder. Fingers digging into that wound. On purpose. The intent was clear on his father’s face. Lance couldn’t keep his face passive any longer. His teeth were gritted against the pain as those fingers pressed hard against that injury. Tara’s hard work… It pissed him off. Finally the pain subsided as his father shoved him back into the nearby bookshelf. A few of the books tumbled to the floor at the jolt of a body hitting the shelves.
“You will not take the tone with me, boy.” His father’s voice a snarl.
“Enough!” Age wizened eyes looked on at the scene of father and son before finally settling on Lancefer. Their disappointment was clear. “You have been failing to provide us with anything useful lately. If this keeps up… Well. I don’t have to remind you now do? Consider this a warning, Lancefer. You will not get another. You know what was asked of you.”
“Yes, Grandfather.” Lance bowed his head. A warning. They were indeed beginning to suspect. His lies had not been clearly as clever as he had thought they had been. Maybe he had been wise in warning Nate last evening. If they suspected it would not be long before they took this matter out of his hands. If they did that he would no longer be able to control the flow of information. He would need the help of men like Raiden and Nate. The purple-eyed aevis and the wolf of Dzamael. But would it be enough?
“You are dismissed.”
Lance did not wait around. Nor did he hurry in his departure. He would not give them the satisfaction of thinking they had him running scared. Once in the safety of his room, he slid down the closed door to sit on the floor. Slowly he removed his jacket and shirt. Trying to be careful of the bandages on his shoulder. They were stained with fresh blood where his father had dug his fingers into the wound. A quiet curse under his breath as he leaned his head back against the door behind him. He would have to think of something. Surely he could do this.
(Oh gawd. Behind on the journal stuff again. XD But I am having fun answering asks an such. So it’s okay! 😀 I really should try to go back to writing one of these a week. Maybe after the holidays when life calms back down. XD Cause things are just so hectic right now. Nothing in this is really in a chronological order. XD On the plus side… Day 5 completed… 3 days remain. @cheetah-smith-ffxiv@jonahsage@kindlingdusk@chocobohealer@onidephor for mentions.)
I seem to be neglecting to write in here as often as I used to. I guess life has been a bit busier then normal. Especially now with my cousin in the picture.
Lance and I have been spending time when we both can getting to know each other. It has been mostly casual. He hasn’t tried to pry for anything more then I am willing to speak with him on. Then again part of me is still waiting for him to stab me in the back. I don’t think he will though… I guess it is still part of me not ready to accept that someone from that side of the family actually cares.
He did mention the other night he had come looking for me to tend to some injuries he had gotten while on duty. I guess he got injured fending off an attack in a joint effort with some of the Fortemps troops from Dragonhead. Some aevis scored a lucky hit on him. Apparently Tara took care of it for him though.
He also mentioned some sparring match that happened while he was visiting. Something about Aras and Dusk. He didn’t have all the details as he and Tara had arrived towards the end of the match. Though he made mention of interest in challenging her himself sometime. As well as that he met Nate after. Who didn’t seem to be having a good day.
Speaking on Nate. I’m glad he has so much patience for me some days. I feel I have been rather snappish with him lately. I guess I am just still upset from last week’s mission. I don’t really mean to take it out on him. I mean we have moments where I feel like we might clash an I get so scared of what might happen if we do. I guess I should have a bit more faith. Faith that the bond between us is stronger then a few ill words.
I mean he did get a chance to see me use a bow for a change in the Twelveswood last week. Tara had gotten lost. Or rather something had spooked her chocobo. It was nice… Fighting side by side like that. Instead of just watching his back. We did manage to find Tara safe and sound though she had been chased by a few tempered Sylphs. Nate and I had gone to check an make sure they had all returned to their territory after they gave up the chase. Of course we found some stragglers. That was how Nate and I got to fight side by side. I was unlucky that day apparently though. One of the sylphs managed to catch me off guard an I was zapped pretty good. No real physical injury though besides feeling rather numb and tingly. Nate got us back to the house before actually carrying me inside on his back. I was a bit… embarrassed honestly. Mostly because there were others in the house at the time. But at the same time I was afraid I might trip an fall on my face with the way certain parts of my body felt numb. I knew it would wear off in time though. So it wasn’t like I hadn’t agreed to let him carry me.
Dusk pulled me aside once I was feeling a bit less numb. We stepped aside into my room to talk privately. Apparently she felt the need to caution me about Leera and Rose. She doesn’t want Leera anywhere near Rose. Our youngest an newest member. I understand she is young an still learning. However I was a bit offended that she felt the need to try an caution me yet again. I know Leera -can- be dangerous. I’ve always held a measure of caution when dealing with Leera ever since learning the truth about who an what he is. There is always a certain amount of caution needed when dealing with a predator. I want to believe Leera can be good, can do something more then be a tool for his creators. Even Oni when we had a discussion earlier in the day had believed there might be a chance for Leera to be a better person. He just needs to be taken away from the bad influences an given a chance. So I told Dusk my own opinions an what Oni had said. It was admitting Leera does need to change. Yet I still feel Leera does care about me in a way.
I had told Oni about the potion Leera had given to me. About how Felix thought it had been something to be used against him. That was how our discussion went from Oni’s new tools into talk of his sibling. I haven’t seen Leera for a bit of time now. He had told me I wouldn’t. But in our talk Oni did agree Leera wasn’t always the way he is now. That maybe if he was taken away from ‘father’ that there could be a chance for real change. I mean it is worth a shot if I can find a way. Why else would Leera care enough to keep speaking to me or even give me a potion for my own safety? I am certainly not -that- entertaining for him to be toying with me.
Oh! On a rather positive note. I survived my first cooking lesson with J’siris. I had offered him use of my new kitchen an he proceeded to teach me a stew. It actually turned out really well even with me helping make it. I didn’t even cut any fingers this time! I even took some to Lance before I joined the Order at the house for the evening.
Anyways I better finish my work before the mission this evening. It is nearly time.
So during a bit of RP last night Aimee might have mentioned something about Dest dying her hair black to hide the blue. I wasn’t sure black was really fitting on her. Thought her skin tone might be wrong for it. It actually doesn’t look too bad. So she’s going to have black hair for a bit. 😛 Just cause she can.
As well as the Order had an impromptu snowball fight instead of doing the mission they were supposed to be doing. Yay for snowball fights. (And of course more Destiney & Nate.)
Totally Nate problems. XD An shenanigans were had. So now Dest has blue streaks in her hair again. Just like old times back when she was still a new member to the Order. Oh that Oni.
(Journal time! I still have some more ask/writing prompts to finish but I wanted to get this done first before I get too distracted. An because @onidephor mentioned wanting to see what Dest writes about this time since Leera and Oni are involved. 😛 This one is going to be a long one. This past week has been fairly emotional for Dest. Hell just the last few days have been. XD)
Now where did I leave off last time… Oh yes the knock at my door. Apparently I have a cousin who decided to come from Ishgard to watch over me. On occasion. Apparently he has been spying upon me for a while now. An those in my free company. It seems my grandfather has not been too fond of some of my recent activities. He originally sent Lance to spy on us an report back to him.
Lance claims he’s giving him false information though. That Lance just wants a chance to prove himself to me now. Since Dusk and Raiden seemed to think he’s not a danger to me… I’m giving him a chance. A chance to prove himself and the words he claims to be true. So we’ve spent some time getting to know each other. Just a little bit so far. Both of our lives are somewhat busy. So we just try to find time where we can.
There have been no recent missions. At least none that I know of. Life has been busy for many of us this past week. Work or family requiring attention from many. Myself included. Between visiting my mother and dealing with my cousin. An some work for the Flames and Gods’ Quiver.
I met Feterra… Apparently a friend of Nate’s who is staying with him… We had words the other night. Not exactly pleasant words. I do not know how much of the things she said I believe or want to accept with at least a grain of salt. She said Nate hates healers. That she can’t believe Nate would be friends with me. Unless we were ‘special’ friends. Just because Nate stayed on my couch in my room at the Order’s house when he was injured… Nothing has ever happened like that between us. I would never ask that of Nate. I would be afraid it would ruin what does exist between us if I even did. An I can see the pain when he mentions Granger.
I was… Angry. I think I kept my temper rather well despite the anger I was feeling towards her words and judgements of the bond between Nate and I. Thankfully Rhisi arrived an our conversation ended. I took a walk rather then continuing to let her goad me into further anger. It would not benefit anything for me to have remained. She did apologize to me later before I went to bed. I was no longer feeling well.
Oni had been the reason I had felt ill. He had come home with items from a recent hunt. All I could remember was the day I had found him hunting. The blood and sight I found… The thought still made me fearful to be around him. I have been avoiding him an staying away from him as much as possible since that day. At least until last night.
Rhisi had pulled me aside. She had mentioned the day before about asking me how I was doing with the cards. She did ask about the cards… But there was more to our discussion then just that. We also discussed Oni. I was asked if I had ever tried to ask the cards about Oni. I had. Twice now. Once a while back when I was last having problems with him. An then again last night. Each time the answer was the same. Incomplete. Unfinished. Rhisi thought it was actually fitting of the man she knows Oni to be.
I… Came to a realization last night in that discussion. I don’t want to die. Not anymore. Not like I once had. Somehow in my fear while watching Oni… In thinking I might be next… I realized I no longer wanted to die. I had never given the idea much thought since the day I tried to die outside of Occidens. I had wanted to die so badly. I had wanted to take those soldiers with me. Instead I had left a broken mess. I was saved and could not understand why. I was inches from death. Seconds maybe. Yet I was saved. For so long… I couldn’t understand why. I’m not entirely sure I still know why. Yet… Maybe I am finally on the path to understanding it.
Rhisi told me a small story. In a way she seems to think that the events that occurred on my nameday… That this is in a way a part of my rebirth. That it is like the warriors of her story. They live to fight an die in battle. Only to sometimes live. That it is not a second chance. It’s a path towards a rebirth. To accepting that they are alive an that is how they want to be. That the path is never easy. It can be dark, stormy, painful, and filled with fear. It’s the acceptance that is the rebirth. Realizing you want to be alive.
Maybe part of me did die that day. Maybe that part of me my uncle, Leon, an Dove saved was worth it. Worth breathing life back into. Even as broken an shattered as I was. That fragment they worked to restore… It just took me time to realize I wanted to be alive.
Of course this doesn’t mean some magic wand has been waved an I will be one hundred percent alright from now on. I’m still an imperfect creature. I am still finding my way in life. I am still figuring things out. I’ll still have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities. Where all I feel is the darkness in my own heart. That is still a part of who I am. There is no magical cure. There is no quick fix. But… There will always be people who love and care about me though. An somehow I will make it through even when my doubts threaten to drown me.
Oni… I am still unsure how I feel about him. Other then… I still want to be his friend. I was honest about that with him last night at Bronze Lake. I do not know if I can look at him the same way I once did. I do not know if I will ever be able to easily accept the predator he is deep down. I do know that the people of this company that know the truth trust him completely. Rhisi said he chooses us. He chooses to give everything he is to us. That even if he was half mad with hunger he would still do everything in his power to control himself and protect those he calls his family. Somehow… I need to find a way to accept this. In my own way. To come to terms with what lurks beneath that gentle exterior.
Leera… He knows I gave up the potion to Felix yesterday. Felix felt it was dangerous. That somehow it was some plot against Oni. I had never once intended to give it to Oni. Leera gave it to me. It was for my safety. But… I knew Felix wouldn’t let up. I didn’t want to ruin what is between Felix and I. Our friendship does mean a good deal to me. So I gave it to him. Apparently Leera had been nearby an observed. He contacted me over the linkpearl he had left me. I felt bad. I’m not sure if he thought I would lie to him as Felix asked me to or something else. He sounded disappointed. Whether it was just in Felix or the fact that I handed it over I do not know. One thing I will admit is that I am disappointed that I will not hear from Leera again for a time. He said he had to go away for a while. However I did let Felix know I would not stop talking to Leera just because I handed over that vial.
It is unfair to make me pick sides. To keep me in the dark an assume I should side with one based on words alone. I still think there is some shred of good in Leera. I will continue to keep this stance until he proves me wrong otherwise. Till he proves to me that there is no redemption for a soul like his. If I can accept Leera… Surely I can find a way to accept Oni as well. They are both dangerous in their own ways. I will find a way to come to terms with everything. One way or another. I hope. I believe.
There is one thing that bothers me though… I had stepped away from Felix, Dusk, an Rhisi to answer Leera. I told them it was something personal. Which.., It technically is. Still it feels so close to lying… I found myself unable to admit to who I spoke with. Not with Dusk and Felix present. I know their opinions of Leera. I knew they would frown upon it.
Damn it all… I totally did not have a chance to speak with Nate last night either. I spent the first half of the night enjoying the quiet as I was left alone. I mean Konner did come to check in with me which was kind of him. Eventually though Nate brought over a guest who was staying at the house. Yet I did not get a moment alone with him to speak with him about Feterra.
I had a first that night. Nate brought Taka over to me who was very visibly pregnant. I have never dealt with a pregnant person before. Nor have I ever had to check on the health of a child. I am still such a novice healer yet Nate… Seemed to think enough of my skills to bring her to me instead of Aimee. I was nervous and unsure. Yet… I think I did alright.
Overall… This past several days has been a literal whirlwind. I feel like I have been up an down and all over the place emotionally. Many good and bad. I think… Once I can sort through my feelings… Sort through how to handle everything… I will be just fine. Yes… I think that is accurate.