(Wow that was a week. I barely had time to pop on my computer between RP stuff, game content stuff, an life. Mostly life… An trying to make a post for my character in a journal fashion like I have been is not feasible from my phone app. Not unless I somehow missed the way to change the text style. I like being able to make it seem like Dest is writing it. Being able to strikeout words an such. But anyways. This should be a doozy of a entry. XD Probably would be even more so if I had been able to attend the Friday night event. Though I do think I want to write some short stories on Dest’s past. Like some of the key events. I want to put more effort to them then just describing them on the RPC page. I want to do them justice. Tales of how Dest is how she is now. Especially the moments after the calamity. I’ll probably share them here when I have time to actually write them. RPing on game in a real RP FC is giving me back that urge to write. How I have missed it. Be ware! This is going to be longer then the ones before. :D)

I wrote last week that I was seeking membership among the Order. Well… I have been accepted. Though now the question is shall I fit in among the others or will I find that easy acceptance at the gatherings is different then fighting along side them when it matters. It has…. Been a very interesting week.

I was introduced to a good bit of the members the day after the last gathering during a dinner Adlynn prepared for everyone. It was a very good meal. Adlynn is a wonderful cook. The atmosphere was much like that of a family. I had the sense of warmth being around them at gatherings usually brings. A sense of almost being like a family. Family…

I offered my skills as a healer in anyway I could be useful. I want to be useful. So I chatted with Aimee and Oni after dinner to finalize my joining. We dealt with some of the important bits of joining the order. Oh an we had cake. Cake.

Two days later I joined a Hunting party led by Rhisi. We went out into the snowy cold of Western Coerthas. We spent a bit tracking down a couple monsters who were menacing the people of the area. As well as one lead that seemed to be a fever dream someone claimed was real. Thankfully there were no serious injuries that night. Just a few scratches that were easily dealt with. A blizzard blew in suddenly so we called off any further hunting. It was probably for the best. There was no sense in losing anyone to the storms out there. Coerthas weather is no joking matter.

A few days after the hunting, I joined Rhisi and Konner for a small camping venture just outside of Gridania in the East Shroud. I remember the place fondly that they picked. My brother and I used to play there as children. There was always a wood wailer on duty by the docks. He usually watched us as a favor to our father.

I course had shown up with my bow upon my back. Rhisi knew I was a healer by profession. I had mentioned at dinner that I did have some skills with a bow but I can not remember if she had been present. So she was surprised to see me there with my father’s favorite bow. I explained to her about my father an his time as a Gods’ Quiver before his passing during the fighting at
Certeneau Flatts…

But it was the events that transpired after that small camping gathering that… in a way pulled the rug from beneath my feet. I… am still trying to sort out my feelings an thoughts. It was a lot to take in an consider. I am in no way thinking of quitting or backing out now. Even if things have gotten a lot…. Stranger. More difficult. No not more difficult. I accept the challenge. I will not back down!

At first I thought that when I met Zero he was just messing with my head. Trying to confuse me. The way he described things… Was almost child-like. Almost like trying to tell some wild story to an adult. I mean who describes a serious injury as someone ‘had her air popped’… Thankfully Farrson showed up an explained things in a more clear manner. Though he left with me much to think about. Choices to make.

Apparently a few members of the company are… Unique. A product of Garlean experimentation. Garlean monsters! How they can toy with a living being… It makes me so angry! First my father dying by their hands an now I learn how they messed with peoples’ lives as if they were nothing more then… As if they were nothing more then toys to take apart an put back together! I may be past the stage of seeking revenge for taking my father from me… But I will help in any way that Aimee will allow me to. In helping them I am defying those monsters that did these unspeakable things.

I talked with Aimee the next day. I watched her fixing the wound Oni obtained a few days ago. It was… A learning experience to see first hand some of the work the Garleans had done to him. An quite the shocking experience to learn that Raiden’s aether was bound to the spear Oni carried around. How am I to consider him now? A ghost or spirit trapped in a weapon? I’m almost afraid to ask how he is able to take a physical form for the gatherings he has shown up to… I… don’t want to know… Not yet. I prefer to think of him as I was before I learned the truth. I like him an don’t want to ruin that. Just for a little while. Let me continue to believe for a little while longer. I know I should know the truth an not hide behind what I thought before I knew… But with so much to think about an learn… I need time.

Of course I was still sorting myself out when I went to the weekly gathering. I might have upset Frost… I should have chosen to wait to talk to him. Apparently he was also among those the Garleans toyed with. I… Should have waited. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I blurted out words I should not have said. He… was very cold towards me after those words. Oni an Aimee think it was because someone tricked him into showing an he is not much into gatherings of people. Still I guess I shall be apologizing to him again soon as I see him once more. Hopefully after I have gotten my head straightened out. I really did want to get to know him better since I think I recall him being from Gridania as well.

I just need time to sort out everything. Notes to make an things to learn. It is all a very lot to learn in only a few days time. So for now I am going to find a place to start an take things one step at a time. I just need to breath an be patient. Even when patience is sometimes hard.

(Another week, another RP event. ^^ Got to meet more people.)

So it’s been a week since I started this journal. An it’s my second entry. Of course it has been a really rough week. I only threw my book at probably a couple people’s heads though. But I do not feel like writing about THAT.

So I decided to attend another get together being hosted by S&R Order. Tonight they picked Bronze Lake. They could not have picked a better place with the way my week went. Hot springs water to soothe aches an more.

I managed to leave Lady at home this week, not that she was happy in the least. I am pretty sure she was trying to nip my ear off in protest. So I left her at the house with Tucker. Though I had new company tonight instead. Gatoli and his childhood friend, Maple, decided to accompany me. Chee was… Occupied.

I seen some familiar faces and met some new ones. Aimee and Rhisi were present. Konner, Adlynn, and Raiden were not. Which it was slightly disappointing not to see Raiden present. I really was hoping to get to talk more with him. An Aimee of course. I can’t help my weakness of being drawn to elezen dragoons...

I did get to meet new people again tonight. Felix was offering drinks an he was a very pleasant person. Maybe I’ll try chatting with him some more next time. I also met Grissom an his soon to be bond mate, Lucerna I believe was her name. They invited me to the wedding in a few days time. An there was also a rather amusing Miqo lady named Cecily with her wind-up Tataru. I also got to briefly meet Oni who was Amiee’s companion this evening. He was rather handsome for a Hyur.

I hadn’t wanted to interrupt what looked like a good evening between Aimee and Oni. So maybe another night I will get to talk more with them. Rhisi hosted a wonderful evening. I feel much better after a relaxing night at Bronze Lake getting to make new friends. One of these days though I will manage to make it to one of these events without company. Not saying I don’t want to be around my friends. I just need to be able to do things without relying on them all the time. Well social things that is. I wouldn’t want just anyone at my back on the battlefield.

Anyways I do believe I should be getting to bed. I have some things to do around the house tomorrow. Well not cleaning. Gatoli does a good job at living up to his end of our bargain for his living with us. I need to be preparing my garden. Running low on food for the chocobos again. Good night.

(This post is going to be just a tad different then everything else I’ve posted so far on here. An it makes me nervous. I haven’t publicly shared anything like this in a very long time. It’s something I want to try an do after any RP events I decide to attend in game. Anything beyond this shall be from my character’s perspective an not mine. XD)

I’m not sure why I decided to keep a journal all of a sudden. In all my years alive on Eorzea I’ve never had a desire before to write down the trivialities of my life. Okay maybe not everything in my life is so trivial. I guess I just feel a bit awkward writing down my life in a book of blank pages. Which is strangely odd for someone who considers herself a scholar.

Anyways… I guess I should get to the point rather then continuing to mindlessly rant on. Before I get well an far from the point of this first entry. An before the night ends with me asleep against these pages. Though I’m sure Lady or Tucker would wake me come morning to be fed.

I’ve never been the most social of people. Not since that day. I guess in a way a withdrew into myself an my books. My Aunt never required I go out an make friends while I lived in Ishgard for those five years. So when I finally did leave I had only Dekkarra to rely upon until I met Chee an the others.

So I’ve taken to following or asking Chee to go places with me lately. A couple of taverns mostly. But even then I end up sticking mostly to Chee an not making much of an effort to make any new friends. I just feel too awkward or nervous to go to most of these places without at least someone I know. How is it I can stand up to foes on the field of battle or fight with people I barely know… Yet I can’t muster the courage to enter a tavern without a crutch of some sort…

So Chee and I went out to Forgotten Springs. She apparently knew some people hosting a small get together out there near the camp. Well since Chee was going I decided I could manage to go. Lady of course nipped at me until I agreed to allow her to tag along with me as well. Most of the gathering was made up of members from a free company called Sword & Rose Order.

We found ourselves a seat in the shade of the dock there among the other people attending. At first I figured it was going to be just another night where I only really interacted with Chee as usual. It was actually far from the truth. Two people, a lovely hyuran midlander lady an a dark skinned elezen, sitting nearby were actually gazing my way. Mostly because of Lady who was flying around my head or perching on my shoulder, wherever she decided she wanted to be at that moment. Fickle dragonet. I wasn’t meaning to eavesdrop on what was being said but apparently Lady was their topic of discussion.

So instead of actually talking much with Chee, she was actually talking with a lady au ra we had met at one of the taverns, I spent most of my evening talking with these two. I felt actually very comfortable talking with these two. They were incredibly nice even if Raiden didn’t fully trust Lady. I can’t say I blame someone who has grown up in the dangers of Ishgard. Aimee however grew up in Gridania like I did before the calamity. Raiden even offered to make a cake sometime. Ugh. Why must I have such a sweet tooth…

An then there was a pretty midlander lady named Adlynn who was passing out flowers. I put them in the vase on the dining table. Much prettier then the black flowers I had there before. I though the yellow an black to represent the Flames was nice at first but black flowers… Felt so much like death…

Anyways… I think I might just have to stop by the Order’s house to visit sometime. If all the members of this place are this nice… Maybe it could be a good step towards being at least a bit more social an a little less… isolated. Now I’m in no way saying my Outsider friends don’t spend time with me or aren’t there when I need them. Quite far from the truth. They are the best kind of friends a girl like myself could ask for. I guess I just want a change of pace. Something new an different. All the expeditions… I guess I’m just worn out.

I look forward to my next crossing of paths with Raiden or Aimee. Or even anyone else of the S&R Order’s members. Right now I’m get myself some rest. After I change out of this summer outfit. Heh. Good night.