Tag: Nathaniel Castor

Hurts Like Hell

On By destiney1984Leave a comment
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(Don’t have a picture that really fits this entry cause I forgot to take pictures last night. XD Not that I have a way to have Lance and Dest together in one image anyways. So I picked a pretty picture of Dest. Of course with the mask because she isn’t feeling emotionally well right now. This took place last night but it was too late to get it written then. For mentions: @jonahsage and @onidephor )

Destiney had left Bronze Lake as quickly as she could. She felt like a stupid fool. How could she ever believe things would or could return to normal between her and Nate. His words from last week before the mission still rang in her head.

The Nate she knew was gone. He claimed that Nate to be dead. Only to try an apologize the next night. Offering her a chance to make new memories and possibly be friends again. Yet tonight… He had pushed her away again.

The night had started out half decently too. Raiden had been concerned for her. Trying to make her smile and just keeping her company. Even going as far as to torment her. In a good way of course. An then things had gotten fun for a bit. She had joined Aimee and Nate in chasing Raiden about in good fun. She had even been silly enough to jump down onto Raiden, trusting that he was strong enough to deal with the landing. She had felt happy for the first time in weeks.

An then everything started going back downhill. Raiden tried using her to give Nate a hug. Nate refused which started the agonizing feeling in her heart again. Followed by Raiden dumping her into Nate’s arms. Things had become quickly awkward at that point. When Nate had set her down she tried to hold his hand and apologize. Only for him to pull away again. His words putting back the distance between them. Causing her to flee back to the house as fast as she could.

She slammed the door to her room shut behind her before she slid down to the floor. Finally letting the tears come. Letting the pain settle in an go back to consuming her heart. After a time she moved from that spot to walk over to the shelf in her room. Shaking hands wrapped around the stuffed chocobo plush on the shelf, pulling it close before sitting back down on the floor. Her back to the partition that separated her bed area from the front half of the room. She buried her teary face in the soft head of that plush as she pulled her knees close.

She never heard the soft knock. But the door opening did catch her attention. She hurled the plush towards the open door and whoever was coming in uninvited.

“GO AWAY!”

Lance caught the plush before it could smack him in the face. He looked down at it in concern before walking over. Plush held out towards his cousin. Brow furrowed in a mix of concern and anger. He hated seeing her like this. Over two weeks now she had been in such a miserable state of existence. He waited until her shaking hands had clutched around that plush again before sitting down beside her. Wrapping an arm around his cousin’s shoulders and pulling her close.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could do something for you.” Lance said softly as Destiney curled up against him and resumed crying. His free hand came to rest on the top of her head as she rested against him. She reminded him of his little sister. The time she had cried when the first boy had broken her heart. Of course he had broken the boy’s nose for it. He had a feeling whatever was going on now wouldn’t be as simple as punching someone for making his cousin cry.

He sat there looking up towards the star and moon chandelier in her room. Almost missed the muffled and strained words from her. Concerned sky blue eyes looked down at the top of her head. Listening as she finally began to speak to him.

Destiney told him of Nate and the possession. The lost memories upon freeing him. All the hurt feelings that happened in those short weeks. The harsh words told to her while Dusk and Nate had been fighting when she tried to break up the argument before it could become bloody. An finally the events of the night.

Lance tried to resist growling in anger. This complicated things for both of them. This also meant one less ally he had in the fight to keep his cousin safe. Instead he just tried to comfort her. It was the least he could do right this moment. He would find Nate later and give the kid a piece of his mind. He didn’t care if Nate couldn’t remember him or not. Right now he just wanted to shake the boy back to his senses for all the pain he was causing his cousin.

Once Destiney had drifted off to sleep, Lance carefully picked her up off the floor. He carried her the short distance over to her bed and carefully tucked her in. “Good night, Destiney. May Halone see you through this.” He smoothed down her hair before moving to leave. It pissed him off to see her in this shape. He gave one last glance back towards where his cousin was sleeping before turning off the light and leaving.

Instead of heading back to Ishgard, he decided to borrow the training room at the Order. He hoped no one would mind. He had some anger to work out an he didn’t want to wait.

🌅- A memory associated with a certain location – Dest

On By destiney1984Leave a comment
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Destiney always enjoyed various locations. Seeing what beauty was out there in the world. Gazing up at a star filled night sky. Yet when she thought of locations there was always one she picked over all others.

The house that belonged to The Order of the Sword and Rose.

She had made so memories there so far. Both good and bad. Though thankfully the good far out weighed the bad. Especially since there were bonds made there that she would never give up for anything else.

Destiney paused near the bar upstairs in the house. A slight smile on her face though the memory was both bad and good right now for her. Feet carrying her closer to the stools. Fingers trailing over the counter near the spot she first met Nate. At first she had only been trying to be polite. Trying to entertain a guest to the house that had been Nate. Yet what had blossomed in the wake of that meeting… The memories of each visit after engraved forever on her heart.

Yet right now his memory was gone or locked away. So she would remember for him. Even if it hurt. Because meeting him had been the best thing to happen to her in such a very long time. The memories of every night since that meeting here at the bar in the house… Of the beautiful friendship that had been born from that simple night of being nice to someone passing by.

(Thanks! @ethereal-anomaly)

Memories

Pushed to the Limit

On By destiney1984Leave a comment
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(This occurred Wednesday night mostly. With bits from last night. Was too tired/busy to get it written sooner. @ikara-esho and @jonahsage for mentions.)

It had been nearly a week since she had last gotten a full night’s sleep. Her mind was just so overburdened. Yet she kept pushing her body every night as hard as she could before exhausted sleep claimed her. Regardless of the worried looks Daisy would give her every night she entered the training room an called on her fairy companion.

Every night she fell asleep in that training room. Though only two of those nights did she wake up an find herself still asleep there. The house was safe. Or at least safer then her own home. An the training room provided an outlet for the pain and mental agony.

How she was still standing… Still functioning… It was hard to say exactly. She was only a shadow of her normal self. Yet she could still preform the duties expected of her.

Another night curled up asleep sitting against the far wall of the training room. Eyes too heavy to resist. Body too fatigued to continue practicing spells. She allowed another round of exhausted sleep claim her. Hoping for a dreamless rest.

The dreams were nightmares. However they had evolved. No longer did she see the sneering faces of Imperials moments before claiming her life. Now she saw the faces of the two from the Brume attack. The bodies of those she cared about laying unmoving on the cold hard ground as snow drifted from the sky. A bitter cold seeping into her bones as she hugged herself. Looking up she would find Nate approaching. No not Nate. It wore his face but that sneer was anything but Nate. In the distance was the cold face of an older Ishgardian man. Ordering her death. Behind her the long drop of the witchdrop. She would wake screaming and panicked after being pushed over that edge by the ghost that looked like her dear friend.

For a time she would sit there and cry. At least until she either fell back to sleep or got up an found something to keep her busy. Anything to keep her distracted from the nightmare. Yet there was something different about this night.

There was the soft sounds of another person in the room. The sounds of a man. A blade whistling through the air with speed. Destiney’s eyes drifted open half way. Her body felt heavier then normal. A blanket had been draped over her where she had fallen asleep. Weary eyes looked up through that half mask to see who was in the room with her.

She recognized him almost immediately despite his back being to her. Despite the fresh looking injuries that could only be a day or two old as he practiced shirtless. Sweat dampening his skin and hair as he moved fluidly with his sword. His movements precise and clearly practiced for years.

Her eyes widened slightly as she looked off to his left a bit. Surely she was hallucinating with as exhausted as she was. There stood another familiar form. One she had not seen for years. Not since his death. His eyes however were watching the moving form of her cousin as he practiced. Still clad in that flamboyant bard gear from the day he died. It was as if he knew eyes were upon him though. Pale green eyes found hers. A smirk tugging at the edges of his lips. Lips moving yet she couldn’t hear him. The smirk quickly changing to a frown. The vision of him slipping away from her like sand between her fingers.

Her eyes grew heavy again just as Lance stopped his motions with the sword. His face turned towards her. She could have sworn she heard him say her name as sleep claimed her again. Barely aware of her cousin coming over to pick her up off the floor, cradled in his arms like a child.

Lance’s hands reaching for her mask roused her for a few moments. She was in her bed of her room at the company house. She felt his hand brush over her head soothingly.

“Go back to sleep.” Lance spoke softly. Destiney reached up to grab his hand as she stared up at him with tired eyes.

“Stay with me? Just for a little?” Destiney pleaded softly. Her heart longed for Leon. The comfort his presence used to bring. Seeing him for just a few moments… Lance was not Leon. Yet he was still family. He had been there for her when she had needed someone to save her. Right now she needed her family. Both that of blood and those she had chosen to make her family.

“I’ll stay. Go to sleep.” Lance said as he sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding her hand. Destiney nodded an closed her eyes, knowing Lance was still there. Knowing she was safe. She allowed herself to drift off to sleep again. Thinking of Leon and his pale green eyes.

*~*

Lance had been gone when she had woken. She had gone about her day as she had been for this entire week. Keeping busy. Practicing. Eating at times. Barely stopping.

She had encountered Ikara when she had gone out of the training room to get something to eat. They had spoken for a bit and the younger mage had offered to give her a night of dreamless restful sleep. Others had come by as well. An then Nate came home… No not Nate. The monster that wore Nate like a second skin.

Destiney fled the room at a hurried walk. The mission the night before still left her hurting. Watching Nate behave the way he was. Watching him shamelessly behave like he was around Chloe. She knew Chloe was acting but it still hurt. She was jealous. Did not want to admit it though. It was hard to hold back. Hard to keep from ruining the careful planning to try an set Nate free of whatever was possessing him. She had had to leave the room.

She had never been more glad then that night for a dreamless sleep. To know Ikara said Leon was there with her. Watching over her. Her smile was tired but glad to know he was annoyed with her for the lack of sleep she had been getting. Typical Leon. He had never really coddled her. It was always gentle careful pushing.

She left that spell claim her tired mind and body easily. For the first time in nearly a week she slept peacefully. A slight smile still on her lips. The ghostly form of Leon sitting where Lance had been the night before. Watching over her like a guardian angel.

On By destiney1984Leave a comment

Just a few pictures while we were waiting for the blm to take a work call rq. Was helping Nate get caught up. The last picture made me laugh when I seen it. Dest looks so uber excited to be doing stuff with her Nate (even if plot wise they aren’t such happy friends atm). An Nate just looks like “I don’t know this excited elezen.” XD 

@jonahsage

☀️ – Someone who Can “Turn Lemons into Lemonade” – Dest

On By destiney1984Leave a comment
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(Even though they are at odds right now for plot reasons… The person that best fits this for Dest is still Nate. ( @jonahsage ) He has been an absolute gem in her life. An without him she feels lost. He has been by her side through good and bad an always finds a way to make her smile or comforts her. She really misses her ‘knight’ right now. Yet she is determined to fight tooth an nail to get him back.)

(Thanks! @ethereal-anomaly )

Muse’s Life

✧

On By destiney1984Leave a comment
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I would kill you.

✧ I would physically hurt you.

✧ I would attack you unprovoked.

✧ I would manipulate you.

✧ I dislike you.

✧ You annoy me.

✧ You scare me.

✧ You intimidate me.

✧ I hope I intimidate you.

✧ I pity you.

✧ You disgust me.

✧ I hate you.

✧ I’m indifferent toward you.

✧ I’d like to get to know you better.

✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you.

✧

 I’m unsure what to think of you.

✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you.

✧ You are my friend.

✧ You are my best friend.

✧ You are my mentor.

✧ I look up to you.

✧ I respect you.

✧ You are my hero.

✧ You inspire me.

✧ You are my enemy.

✧

You make me happy.

✧ I want to protect you.

✧ I would fight by your side.

✧ I consider you an equal.

✧ I think you are beneath me.

✧ I think you are above me.

✧ I would lie for you.

✧ I would lie to you.

✧ I would sleep with you.

✧ I would sleep by your side.

✧ I would hug you.

✧ I would kiss you.

✧ You are family to me.

✧ I would die for you.

✧ I would kill for you.

✧ I would trust you with my life.

✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging.

✧ I would trust you with a secret.

✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret.

✧ I love you (platonically).

✧ I love you (romantically). 

(Yes I bolded two items and striked them out. XD Cause if her situation was different those opinions would be very true. Yes she has a crush on Nate that she will never admit to cause she wouldn’t want to risk their friendship. Forgive me! XD)

( @jonahsage )

Muse’s Opinion

Bring Back the Pain

On By destiney1984Leave a comment

(Sort of backdating this entry a bit. Cause I meant to have this done an posted before the holiday. An I don’t want to put the happy stuff of the holiday with the darker stuff of this journal entry. So this happened before the starlight party. I want to say she wrote this the day before the party. Personal Mentions: @jonahsage @kindlingdusk @onidephor @sunshineandlotus )

The last many days… I’ve been bounced between so many varying shades of emotion. Pain, emptiness, sadness, anger… Fear. Love. Hope.

Our last mission was going well enough. Though the cards predicted it would be a rough night. A night we could pull through together. We did. But… There were some very rocky bumps in the road this night. The worst part was whatever that device was that threw us all into memories. Memories meant to cut an bleed us dry.

It felt like being back in that very moment. The memory was literally that vivid. I could actually feel the pain all over again. I was forced to replay that moment once more. As if the nightmares had never been enough. To relive the moment before I nearly died. To be brought back to that brink… To see those sneering Imperial faces hovering over me once more… Even as Konner set us free I found myself stuck hovering at the edges of that pain.

Dusk’s voice was the first thing I heard. I heard her calling out to me. Bringing me back from that trauma of the past. I forced myself to stand once more. To put one foot in front of the other again. However I was hesitant enough in moving that I believe I worried Quarcy. His concerned hand on my shoulder was enough to finish dispelling the hold that memory gripped me in. I was able to keep going forward with the mission. Though I took the time to slip on my half-mask, relishing in the comfortable feeling of it upon my face. Hiding behind that mask.

I returned to the house after the mission with the intent to help at the ward with any injuries. However I found myself a patient instead. I should not have worn the jacket into the heat of Thanalan despite the extra protection it offered. Rhisi forced me to lie down an rest before I fell over from the heat exhaustion that was winning out. I only remained long enough to regain some of my strength. My mind was too restless with what happened. I returned to my own room instead.

I spent the next few days at my house, turning away even my cousin. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want company. Though after a day I found myself back at the Order’s house. Dusk was sitting near the fireplace with tea. Tea sounded really good right then. She offered some to me as well as her ear to listen to what troubled my heart.

I explained it all to her. The events of that day outside of Castrum Occidens. My desire to kill and be killed. Only for my life to be spared in the end. Saved by my Uncle and his companions. Leon… I admitted to how broken I was afterwards. Not understanding why I was still alive back then. Her words though helped to soothe some of the pain that plagued my heart the last few days. Dusk and I might not always see eye to eye… But right then I was grateful for her warm presence.

Life returned to relatively normal for about a day. Apparently though at dinner I found I had missed something important. There was so much tension. Rhisi pulled Nate and myself aside. We were told about an incident in the Order’s past before either of us had joined. An incident involving Oni and the siblings. An Castrum Occidens…

I was warned about Leera being invited into the house. Damn it… I couldn’t sit there an argue with Rhisi though. I left things at that. Choosing to say very little.

I found Nate in the garden the next day. I had intended to head to Wineport. Alone if needed. This was my problem. I couldn’t take the chance that the Order could end up in another situation like that again. If I was forced into Occidens right now… I would be useless… Unable to function… A liability.

Nate however offered to help me. I wanted to refuse. Didn’t want him to watch. Didn’t want to show him just how truly broken I am… Yet… I allowed him to come with me. To be my anchor. To force me home again if I found myself unable to keep going. Because I trust Nate.

I forced myself to go as close to that Castrum as I could. Tried so hard to push further. Yet my legs gave out on me. My body turned traitor to the memories of that day. All I could do was sit there on the ground an tremble like a leaf. Damn it all… Nate’s presence and voice were all I could grasp. I wanted to do better. Yet I had failed… I allowed Nate to sweep me back off to the house.

I will try again. As many times as needed. Until I can overcome whatever part of me I broke that day. I will become stronger. I will not be a liability. Nate offered to continue helping me with this problem. Sweet gentle Nate…

I have not gone back again yet. I have gotten too caught up in the preparations for Starlight. I did though manage to run into Leera in Gridania while running errands for my mother.

Leera looked bad. Well physically he did. I asked him about the attack on Lance. He insisted he couldn’t remember. He seemed honest enough in his answer. He also seemed to be far more emotional then usual. I tried to convince him ‘Father’ is just using him. It didn’t work. I tried to change tactics. Tried to sympathize. I do want to help him. Be his friend. Yet for all his praise towards that man… I still feel he would be better off without that man in his life. Forcing him to nearly freeze to death… Driving Leera to the brink of madness if my cousin’s words were to be trusted. I’m not sure I made any progress. Though I feel I understand a bit more. As well as a bit of the way Leera thinks. I did get him to allow me to heal the physical damage though before I left. I think I may have caught him just a bit off guard with calling him my friend though. Yet his words of warning me not to get in trouble for his sake were touching.

Anyways… I better get finished with those Starlight decorations.