Alex sighed softly as he looked at his gear and ran a hand over the guards for his hands. Remembering the other night. The way Sana had looked in the coat made by the same man who had crafted his own armor.

Hell he still remembered the first time he truly fell for her. It was still hard to believe that she could love someone like himself. They were heading towards a year now though. It seemed so close and yet still so far. Even with all they had been through over the time they had been together.

Fixing his injuries without too many prying questions. Not admonishing him for what he did. Actually listening to the truth he rarely told most. Not even running from him when he had tried to scare her off for her own safety. Not looking at him like the broken creature he often felt like…

Still she tried to make him see his own worth. Making him feel like maybe there was some hope… Even for someone like himself.

L’ania. Ulan. Arik. Ilan. Lancefer. Most importantly Sanagi.

Perhaps he wasn’t as hopeless as he once thought. Giving a wry chuckle before running a hand over his face. A lot had changed in a little over two years. For once… He had friends. He had someone he loved. He had a chance at happiness. If he could let go of the fear.

His thoughts drifted to Sana again. To just them together for her nameday. To the sweet tenderness of her tending to his wounds. Sleeping with her snuggled close to him. Seeing her smile. Having perfectly normal meals together. Treating him like he was a valid person and not just a monster.

Sana always seemed to make everything okay. No matter how stupid he acted. Her light chased away the darkness. She somehow always made everything okay.

Alex tipped his head back as he closed his eyes. He was alone. He felt no shame in letting the tears run down his cheeks right now. “Please… Let me stay by her side. Let me have this one thing if nothing else.” A quiet plea to the gods that he swore hated him and made him suffer for so much of his life.