Nightmare

Okay! Part 2 of three! 😀
An I hope it does not come off as rushed. >.>; Cause I was trying
to finish this before I had to go spend 3hrs driving. I only managed to
get it posted on the Order’s forums before I had to leave on Friday. I
was
listening to We Carry On by The Phantoms (feat. Amy Stroup), My Demons
by Starset, and Nightmare by Veracity while I was writing this. XD Part 3
I plan to begin writing here asap. Most likely tomorrow. 🙂 Unless I
find I need to make adjustments to this one. XD -hides under the table
again.- Please be gentle! XD

The day had finally come. She was old enough to make choices of her own.
Not that she did not love her aunt an everything the woman had done for
her over the last five years. But now it was finally the day she was
allowed to make her own path.

Destiney stood staring up at the gates of the Steps of Faith. Once she
passed this point she had no intentions of returning. Not any time soon
anyways. If ever. It was almost like she was walking in her mother’s
shoes. Almost but not quite. Her mother had left to make a place for
herself in the world. Destiney was leaving to become an adventurer with a
vengeance to seek.

“Farewell, Ishgard. May Halone watch over your people.” Destiney said
she took the first step on her new path. Her bow was against her back
with its quiver of arrows. She had not even said goodbye to her aunt an
uncle. Merely left them a note an hoping they would understand. She
could not remain in this city another day.

So many days spent between books an training. She had of course spent
time researching what little she could find about the Garleans. Which
was painfully small. Ishgard was too sealed off from the world. So
between novels she had instead learned some of Ishgard’s history an that
of the lands around it. She had even managed to find a few books on
magic. Not that she would even attempt them without someone to actually
demonstrate the basics to her. Not that it mattered since she was still
very much her father’s daughter. A bow chosen over spells an tomes.

Outside the gates of Ishgard, Destiney stopped an took a deep breath of
the icy air as she looked up towards the clouded skies. Another storm
was due in a day or so. There was no time to linger here as she set off
towards Camp Dragonhead. She planned to rent a chocobo from a porter
once she reached the camp. From there… She would decide once she was
out of the snowy Coerthas landscape. It was almost hard to believe this
land used to at one time be green. It seemed an entire lifetime ago when
she first passed this way five years ago…

Five years of waiting an training. Five years to nurse her wounds an
recover. But the flames still burned in heart to seek repayment for the
life that was stolen. Five years of barely seeing or speaking with the
man who kept her fighting when she had lost so much hope.

*~*

Destiney stopped the chocobo she was riding as she entered the Shroud.
It felt like forever an a day since she had last set foot in these
woods. They were still so green an vibrant despite the destruction the
primal had wrought. Nothing like the never ending winter that had
settled over Ishgard because of it.

“Home.” she whispers as she lingers a few moments longer before allowing
the bird to continue onward towards Gridania. Her heart felt alive at
being within the woods she had grown up in. Yet at the same time they
brought sorrow as well. Knowing her father no longer walked these woods
as a Gods’ Quiver. Or that her brother was still missing despite the
passing of time.

*~*

Destiney looked around Gridania as she walked through the gates. So much
was still the same. Yet at the same time there were things she knew
were not the same as five years ago. Life had not stopped despite all
the horrors that had happened. She watched a laughing couple walk past,
envying the happiness they had.

“Destiney? Is it truly you?”

Destiney turned around to see Dekkarra walking through the gates. He was
clad in plain robes of a healer with a staff against his back. She ran
into his open arms an hugged him tight, burying her face against his
chest. She was so relieved to see him. He had been just one of the two
reasons she had decided to make this her first stop. She needed to see
him again. At least one last time. There was no telling when she would
see him again if at all. Not that she planned to tell him.

“You… I did not know you were returning. You look well.” Dekkarra said
as he moved back to hold her at arm’s length an look her over with the
eyes of a healer. As if looking for injuries or signs of illness.

“I had to see you. An I needed to retrieve something from the house. I
decided to become an adventurer.” she explained to him with a warm
smile, her eyes closed to hide the sorrow behind the mask.

“An adventurer? For real? Are you sure it is wise?” Dekkarra asked, his face showing his concern for her.

“Yes I am sure. I will not remain in hiding forever. You were the one
who said I was going to be something great. Now I need to prove that. I
need to learn to walk on my own with no one holding my hands.” she says
as she takes his hands within hers. Her eyes stare down at their joined
hands. Hers rough from the use of her bow an bitter colds of Ishgard
while his were much softer. The gentle hands of a healer. “I love you,
Dekkarra. But I need to do this. I need to find myself. An I can not do
it hiding behind the walls of a city or in the forests of the Shroud.”

“Then allow me to come with you. Allow me to be at your side.” Dekkarra pleaded with her gently as he gripped her hands.

“I need to do this. You need to stay here an keep studying. I’ll be back
before you know it. We’ve waited five years. A little while longer is
not much to ask.” she explained as she left go of his hands reluctantly,
forcing a smile to her face. Hiding the fear an pain. Last thing he
needed was to know she might not return. That she was making promises
that might never come to pass.

“Alright. I am holding you to that. Go ahead an see your mother. She is
probably going to be delighted to see you have returned home.” he said
with a grin as he leaned down to brush a kiss upon her lips before
heading off for the Conjurer’s Guild.

*~*

Destiney hesitated at the door to the home she remembered as a child.
There were so many memories. Even just standing here as she placed a
hand to rest against the door. Both good an bad, though the good
outweighed the bad. She had to take a deep breath to keep herself from
crying. Once she was composed again she pushed upon the door an stepped
inside.

“Mother?” Destiney called out into the house. There was no answering
voice. No sound of anyone home. She looked towards the table where her
mother used to always leave her botany tools. Her hatchet an scythe were
not in their usual spots. So her mother was out harvesting somewhere in
the Shroud. Sadly that meant it could possibly be hours before she
would come home again.

The house seemed to be just as she remembered it. Lovingly cared for.
Not a thing out of place. She walked down the hall towards her bedroom
an stood in the doorway. Even her room was still the same. Not even any
dust to show the five years she had not lived here. Her mother had
obviously continued to keep the room as she had left it, waiting for the
day her daughter would return. She turned away an continued down the
hall, pausing briefly at her brother’s door. However she could bring
herself to open the door. There was only so much her heart could deal
with right this moment. If she could manage to come back alive then she
would have time to deal with her missing brother after. She continued
down to the end of the hall, pausing before that final door. Her hand
shook as she raised it to open that door. Slowly it creaked open as her
hand pushed. Inside was just as she remembered it. An the item she was
here for was still in its familiar place.

She could still remember watching her father sit there at the edge of
the bed as he restrung the bow with new string. He had had this one
specially made for when he was off duty. It was unlike any of the ones
the Gods’ Quiver used traditionally. Back then it had been a bit too big
for her to use. But she had still admired the shade of blue that the
crafter had painted it with. The gold edges still shinned bright despite
five years of sitting without use. Her hand grazed over the wood gently
afraid it might break at a simple touch after so long. Gently she
picked it up an checked it over for any signs of damage.

He had probably taken his service bow into the fight. It was possible
her mother continued to care for his crafted bow as a reminder of the
man they had all lost. In it’s place she put down the bow she had taken
with her into Ishgard. On the night stand beside the bed a note to
replace her father’s old Gods’ Quiver half-mask. It was was cracked but
surprisingly whole as she placed it upon her own face. She looked around
the room, feeling just a bit like she was looking at things as if
through her father’s eyes. She took a sharp breath an turned to leave
before she broke down.

Secretly she had been hoping her mother was not home. It would only add
to the pain. Only make it that much harder to do what she felt she
needed to do. She paused in the doorway, giving the room one last look
before heading for the front of the house.

“Goodbye.” she whispered as she walked out of the house for what she thought might be the last time.

*~*

It had taken her a couple of days to get this far as she looked up at
the gates of Wineport . As well as getting lost a few times trying to
find the place. If she had finally found the right location then she was
near one of the few locations. There had to be a Garlean outpost near
here. At least that is what the rumors had claimed as she drifted about
on her way to Wineport.

Castrum Occidens. That was the name of the Garlean outpost she had heard
of out this way. She fully intended to go knocking on their doors. Well
not quite literally. But the idea was close enough to what she intended
to do.

She passed through the gates to Wineport an headed for the small tavern
that was inside of the camp. Her feet paused as she stared up at the
shining blue crystal at the center of the camp. Her thoughts were of how
easy it would have been to just teleport using the aetherytes. But she
had never been here before. After a few moments of taking in the
soothing blue twinkle of the crystal she continued finally into the
tavern.

The place was not exactly busy but it still had a few patrons this early
in the day. In one corner of the room sat a trio of adventurers talking
about something between themselves. She found her eyes coming to rest
upon the male Hyuran Midlander of the group, ignoring the male Elezen
Duskwight and female Roegadyn Hellsguard. The Midlander looked to be
about her father’s age possibly a bit older. But that was not what
stopped her. Despite his darker skin complexion an black hair… He
looked a bit like her father. Not quite twins but the resemblance was
very close. It felt almost like seeing a ghost.

Destiney quickly shook off the feeling. Cursing her heart for trying to
make her think like that. She quickly found a table by herself an
ordered something to eat as she quietly sat listening to the
conversations around the room from other patrons. Trying to catch
anything about Castrum Occidens. Or any Garlean activity in general.

*~*

Destiney adjusted her father’s half-mask on her face as she looked into
the distance at the wall of metal that loomed just within sight. Castrum
Occidens… The conversations at the tavern had not been particularly
helpful. Apparently the Garleans here had been content to bid their time
an wait to make any real moves against the people of the area. Just
what went on beyond those walls though… It was a mystery. No one who
had tried to find out had ever come back.

Now the question was would she become another of those numbers? She
swallowed hard as she drew her bow from her back where it had been
resting. This was where fate would decide if she lived or died. She
whispered a quick prayer to the Twelve as she tried to mentally prepare
herself for this suicidal idea. She was not a one woman army. She was a
young woman, afraid yet determined. She could not rest easy without at
least trying to return the favor against these monsters for the world
they had ruined. Her world. Casting her away into Ishgard as Dalamund
fell from the sky. Riping away her father from their once happy family.

Her hand gripped the bow tightly as she took her first step towards what
could very well be her doom. An a part of her did not care. The part of
her heart that should have cared was as hard as the ice of Ishgard.

*~*

The first man in Imperial colors fell without a sound. An arrow
protruded from his throat. A clean kill. Destiney pulled another arrow
from her quiver as she stalked closer towards the gates. All she had to
do was take out the guards outside. One corner of her mouth quirked up
in a grin as she brought up her bow for the next kill.

“Intruder!”

She heard the words just as she let the arrow sing through the air.
However the guard was more alert then the first an the arrow had only
grazed off his arm. She cursed under her breath as she went for the next
arrow in her hand. The one she had grazed though was already rushing
towards her.

“If I’m falling here… I’m taking everyone of you bastards with me that
I can.” Destiney mumbled as she let the next arrow fly. The second
Imperial solider fell as she rushed forward. The guards were already
alerted to her presence so there was no point to caution anymore.

Four more soldiers were rushing to meet her. The odds looked badly
against her. The lancer of their team was the first to be within
striking distance. Destiney dropped to a roll underneath the swing of
his spear. The lancer howled in pain as an arrow struck him in the leg
as Destiney knelt for a moment after her roll long enough to return
fire.

However that momentary pause had allowed the gladiator of the team to
close in. His shield smacked hard into her bow arm as he used an stun
her. The blow unbalanced her an she found herself sprawled upon the
ground as the three remaining closed in around her.

“Stupid Eorzean. What did you think you could possibly do alone.”

Destiney snarled as she grabbed her bow once more an aimed another arrow
from where she was half laying upon the ground. She tried to hurt the
gladiator for his earlier blow to her but the arrow was neatly deflected
by the marauder of their team. The pugilist decided to close the final
distance. Destiney rolled to the side, barely dodging the blow that
would have crashed into her head if she had not moved. Though in her
scramble to move she had released her hold on her bow. Now weaponless an
still facing three uninjured Imperials.

Her hands shook as she reached from another arrow from her dwindling
quiver as she scrambled to her feet. Her eyes darted between the three
of them, not the least bit liking her odds. With a yell she charged
forth, obviously an unexpected move by an unarmed opponent for these
men. But she was not truly unarmed. In her hand she gripped an arrow
like a dagger as she dove towards the pugilist an drove the arrow into
his chest. Together they tumbled to the ground in a heap.

So warm were her hands. Sticky with blood of the man she had just
stabbed with an arrow. She looked back towards the other two who at
first had startled looks on their faces before their expressions grew
angry an murderous.

“You will regret ever coming here alone.”

Destiney scrambled to move as the gladiator swung his sword towards her
face. Her feet got tangled upon the pugilist’s corpse in the process,
tripping her up though also allowing her to fall away from the dangerous
edge of that blade. It was when she went to stand again that she felt
sharp burning pain in her leg as she was knocked back into the wall.
Movement sent pain ripping through her arm as she looked to her left.
She was pinned against the wall with a spear in the flesh of her
shoulder. Behind his two companions stood the lancer she had wounded
earlier, his spear gone from his hands as he limped up to his allies.
Hot angry tears stung her eyes behind the mask. A scream ripped from her
throat as she pulled at the spear with her right hand.

Blackness danced at the edges of her vision as she watched them
approaching her, the spear refusing to budge with just her one hand
trying pull against it. The pain was added upon. Her breath was knocked
from her lungs as she felt the sword of the gladiator rip through the
flesh of her body. She felt detached as the blackness threatened to
claim her. Her eyes looking down at the sword that was piercing through
her chest. A small trickle of blood ran down her chin as she coughed.
The cold fingers of death were trying to pull her down into the abyss.
Her gaze once more drifted up to the triumphant looking bastards.

Something moved in the distanced. Something rapidly approaching from
behind these Imperial bastards. But her vision was blurring too badly
now to make out what it might be. She took one final ragged breath
before closing her eyes an allowing the blackness to wash away the pain.

*~*

“Hold on. Do not give up on life so soon, lass.”

She could barely recall the sounds of battle as she had lay dying, her
life’s blood bleeding out around her. She thought as she drifted in an
out of that darkness that she had heard words of concern. Thought she
had felt a warm hand touching her. At one point she forced her eyes open
long enough to catch a glimpse of a man before her with a worried look
upon his face.

“Father…” She rasped before coughing hard several times. Once more the
darkness pulled her back down. But she could have sworn that it had
been her father’s concerned face looking at her in worry.

Wow I really thought I had a better picture of him. I probably do somewhere. But I have sooo many screenshots. Though most of them from back when I was still a Hyur. An some of them from varying stages of Dek’s fantasia obsessions. So I guess for now this will be the picture I share. XD This is Dekkarra Delvanguard. Destiney’s husband (an my bf). I know my character makes mention of him from time to time. So I figured I’d show what he looks like. An as I say this… I find one of the pictures from the Valentine event. XD Hahaha.

Struggles

(Most likely the last journal entry for the week. I’m going to be away all weekend without FFXIV. Nooo~! XD But I hope this weekend will be fun anyways. ^^ Hoping to be back in time for the weekly beach gathering though on Sunday. Though last night… *snickers* I think Dest has found herself the perfect drinking buddy. An the two of them are going to have that friendship that confuses everyone. XD You know the kind where people think they are dating an it is no where close to true. This is going to be so fun to play around with.)

The last two days… Have left me with mixed feelings. Do not take this wrong. I have no intentions of leaving the Order. No matter what my feelings are right now. This is my present not my past. Even if the last bit of time has been reminding me painfully.


Unfortunately for the first time in my life I had to dye the color of my hair from its natural shade. It seems when I was trying to clean Oni’s drool off my face… I must have gotten some into my hair. So I now have sections of blue in my hair. I tried to cover it. Tried to make it look more natural by dying my hair purple. Thankfully there have only been a few surprised reactions to the sudden change. None that have claimed it look back on me.


I know I am more then the color of my hair. It is just… A vast change from what I have spent all my life knowing. It was a bit startling to myself.


But that is not what brings on these mixed feelings. Eventually the blue shall fade. Conversations the last few days have dredged up old memories.


Last night… A story was told of events that had occurred to some of the Order’s members in the past. Most of the names I did not recognize among those who currently call the Order home. It was… a very dark story. Black Valley. I do not recognize the name though it is a place within the Shroud. Probably because of the horrifying things that occurred there as I listened to the story.


The things spoken of in that story… I shudder to recall the images that came to mind as I listened. They were not pleasant. An they stirred up old memories of my own though they pale in comparison to the horrors Rhisi an those at the Black Valley must have had to deal with. I was barely able to remain seated there until the end of the story.


I wanted to run outside into the fresh air. I wanted to be anywhere but sitting there imagining those horrors. Worse that Dusk has mentioned a need for the Order to return there. I… I do not know if I can manage that… To face something like that… To be able to hold my ground…


It is not that I am… Afraid. I thought I had moved past the nightmares that use to plague me after my rash of stupidity upon leaving Ishgard after five years. But lately… There have been things reminding me… Bringing those nightmares back. That story… The blood… The faces haunting my dreams… I think… I am going to go away for the weekend. Try to restore myself. I can not break now. Not now…


Thankfully Felix was kind enough to bring me a glass of wine. I might have accepted stronger if it was not for the fact that we had a mission later. I did not want to be trying to preform my tasks drunk. The wine was enough to bolster my failing spirit. Though there was a mention about a Castrum… Thankfully the topic did not linger there long or the wine might not have been enough to keep me sane.


I was paired with Maria and Felix for our trip down into some
Gelmorra

ruins. It was my first time into combat with Felix. An with Maria. I was looking forward to it actually. I have been getting along well with Felix so far an was excited to be paired with him. Though I was concerned with Kagato going tonight as he seemed… Very quiet. I can not find a better word right now to describe it. Not when I am still learning about many of the members of the Order. But Kagato was with Aimee an Oni. I was sure they would be fine.


Things went decently is probably the best way to describe what happened on our end of the trip into the ruins. The aether down there was making Felix a little green. Well beyond the lovely shade of green he was when a trap turned him into a frog for a short bit. Heh. We reached a voidal creature towards the end of our journey through the first section without encountering any of these so called spirits we were to look into. I decided to use one of the pomanders we had found on our way towards the end of the section.


I HATE that pomander of lust. I feel so disgusting after using it… Like I want to scrub my skin till it is raw an just keep scrubbing. I have nothing against Luna who has been following Kagato around like a cute pet succubus. But I NEVER want to be one. Ugh!


So when we got back to the house finally I took Felix up on that earlier offer of something a bit stronger then wine. So Felix, Dusk, Maria, and myself sat around the dinning table for a bit an chatted as we drank. I think… Dusk may have mistaken my slightly intoxicated behavior with Felix as if we had known each other a long time an possibly might have something between us. I could be wrong. I was intoxicated though not as bad as the last time. The stuff Felix gave us… He said it was strong… He was not kidding. Not that I wouldn’t mind getting to know Felix better. What I have seen of him thus far makes me think we could have a very wonderful friendship.


I will admit though. He is rather striking for a Highlander. Not that I would try to pursue him. I am a married woman after all. I have to draw a line somewhere. Even when it comes to my thing for tall, dark, handsome elezen men. Heh. Distractions are a nice thing. Especially to help keep my mind on the present an away from the past.

Just a couple of screenshots to show off the new hairstyle. Probably only a temporary thing for now. But it was funny how it happened none the less. *snickers* Basically trying to clean the Oni slime (a mix of his saliva and ceruleum. Cause Oni is oh so special. :P) she managed to get some in her hair. An well ended up with some blue streaks. Which well… She tried to hide somewhat with coloring her hair purple. An of course highlights in this game are nothing short of awful. Was really hard to find a decent hairstyle where you could actually see the bits of blue.

(So… A wild Oni was found to be lurking in Dest’s new FC room… An trapped her within his clutches… Alas we knew her well. RIP! @onidephor has gotten his vengeance! I hope Frost ( @winterdeepelegy) smacks Oni for this! :D)

Why me… All I did was push him into the water to cool him off…


I guess I kind of deserved this punishment. I managed to avoid it for a little over a week. However the Twelve were not with me today…


I came back to the house to grab a few things from my personal room. Only to find Oni perched on top of one of the partitions in my room. Waiting for me… Waiting to trap me…


I tried to remain calm. So very hard I tried. I knew what he intended to do. An he managed to lock the door before I could have a chance to escape… Well… I might have asked if he had locked the door before checking… An well he did something that locked the door an trapped me in the room with him.. Me and my big mouth…


So I picked a chair as far away from where he was perched. Hoping to talk my way out of my ill begotten fate… Slowly like a predator with trapped prey… Oni made his way down an landed beside where I sat.


Of course it did not help matters any when he kept talking of how he was sure I tasted good. Or how Brother Frost would might want a taste… Oh by the Twelve! I was too stunned by his mentions of Frost to be able to even get away. He had me all flustered that I misheard him an thought he had said Frost thought I smelled good an tasted good. I am pretty sure I was a very nice shade of scarlet at just the idea of such matters.


I… ended up resigning to my fate… I had no where I could escape. I was like the prey, hopelessly trapped. Oni… I still shudder at the feeling even just thinking about it… He licked up from my neck to where my circlet was resting on my forehead. A streak of blue on my skin! At least it matches my clothes…. I tried to scrub it off my face but this substance is very… stubborn. Now I have it on my sleeve as well as my face…


To make matters worse Oni was talking about how I tasted good. An how Raiden… Raiden wanting more then a lick! Twelve end me now! An how Frost might want a taste! If I could have melted into a puddle right there… I had to resist hard to shove him away for fear of him trying to lick me again! As well as he made it all sound creepy like I was some sort of healer snack! Ugh!


I better keep trying to find a way to get this stuff off my face… I am sure this will be a fun thing to explain to people that do not know Oni…

If I Break

(I couldn’t think of a better title for the first part of what might be
three parts. I wanted to better explain Dest’s past. Cause RP just does
not do justice on how she gets from point a to point b. An the title was
the name of the song I was listening to on repeat the entire time I
wrote this. (If I Break by Red for anyone that would like to know.) But
bare in mind that this is only one of possibly three parts so yes it is
not quite complete though this part is. So this is basically Point A. An
I have not written anything like this… Since about 2005.

I already shared this with the FC on the FC website but I decided to share this here for a few others to have a chance to read it. So this is not a journal entry but a sort of short story. An not the whole story either. This is set right before the Calamity an through the five years till when ARR begins. The second part will pick up at ARR when its finished. I need to do some lore research first.)

Destiney hated it. Hated it all as she rode in the chocobo led wagon
away from home in the quiet forests of the Shroud an through the
Highlands of Coerthas. She glared up in anger at the falling moon.
Dalamund people had called it.


Her brother was still missing yet her parents were sending her away. Her
hands clenched in her lap where they rested. They had said they wanted
her to go remain with her Aunt and Uncle in Ishgard until things calmed
back down. A nation plagued by dragons and heretics… She felt like
they were sending her away from one danger into another different
danger. Either way she was unsafe. Either way it was not helping to find
her missing sibling. But for her parents Ishgard was a nation outside
of the war against the Garleans.

If it had not been the look in her mother’s eyes… It was only that
look that had silenced her an kept her from running out on her own with
just her bow in hand. The pain in those eyes. Not knowing where one of
your own children was while danger pressed ever closer. Seeing that
staff in her mother’s gentle hands… She did not have the heart to
continue her argument with her father about remaining. Or even make the
suggestion that she was old enough to fight if she was old enough to
start training for the Gods’ Quiver. She was nearly sixteen now.

She was so angry an hurting. How could Tak just leave her behind without
a word? How could her parents just send her away? She scrubbed the back
of her one hand across her face, unsure of when she had started to
silently cry.

“We’re almost to the Gates, Miss.”

Destiney didn’t respond to the driver. However she did look up an away
towards the towering city in the near distance. The Holy See of Ishgard
rose up in the air, looking as if it was trying to touch the clouds
above. She had no idea how her parents had gotten her entrance into a
city that had locked itself away from the rest of Eorzea. Or if even she
would like the family she was to be staying with. Dekkarra had sworn he
would stay in touch an maybe find a way to come see her. It was one
small bright light in the darkness that was becoming her life.

Destiney gathered her belonging from the wagon upon arrival at the
gates. Not even a thank you to the driver. She handed the folded an wax
sealed letter to a guard at the gates.

“What do we have here?” He asked as he took a look at the wax seal before opening the letter. “Aurifore huh? Wait here.”

She watched in her silent scowling expression as the guard stepped
inside the gate to check on whatever the letter had pertained. She had
never heard of the Aurifore name before but then again she did not even
know any of her relatives from her mother’s side of the family.

“You can enter. Do not let me catch you causing problems.” the guard warned as he came back an allowed Destiney to enter.

“Whatever.” Destiney grumbled as she picked her bag back up an walked
through the gate with a guard following close behind her. The guard had
left her once she had reached the city itself. The was light of day was
fading fast an she had no clue where she was going. She could feel the
stares some of the passerbys were giving her in her glade tunic an
pants. She looked completely out of place among the people of Ishgard.
She felt like they were probably considering her to be some foreign
bastard who found a way to slip through the cracks.

“Destiney?” asked a gruff male voice.

“Who wants to know?” Destiney said with irritation as she looked an
found an raven haired armored man, probably only a few years older then
her father. The scowl on his face the his whole stance gave the
impression of someone who had no tolerance for children. Let alone
teenagers. He looked every inch like he did not want to be the one here
to claim her.

“You will speak with more respect to your elders. Especially those who
you will be staying with. Honestly. I have no idea why she agreed to
take a half-breed bastard in anyways.” he said with disgust in his
voice.

Destiney bristled at his calling her some half-breed bastard. She
clenched her fists an glared at the man in his Ishgardian knight
chainmail. It was so very hard to bite her tongue an not reach for the
bow she had refused to leave behind at home. If only she could silence
his biting tone.

“Nothing to say? Good. Keep up or stay in the Brume with the rest of the
scum.” he said as he turned an began to walk without a care of whether
she followed or not.

She followed him in tense silence, resisting the urge to put an arrow in
his back. Being put in jail her first night here was probably the worst
possible decision she could make. There was no way she could tell how
the trials worked or even the justice system at all in Ishgard. For all
she knew they could be entirely different then Gridania. Not that
Gridania would take shooting someone with an arrow lightly when it was
just in anger. Especially since it would be over an insult. Her father
would have scolded her an told her to ignore such jabs. To be the bigger
person an let the insults slide off like rain over metal.

The house they arrived at was not lush or ornate. It was a simple house
but obviously cared for. The man watched her with wary eyes as he opened
the door an stood there waiting for her to enter. Destiney just
returned his glare for a few moments of silence.

“Lance is that you?” called a mellow woman’s voice from within.

“Yes. I brought the child you mentioned was arriving.” the man replied as he looked towards the inside of the house.

“Destiney? She made it finally?” the woman speaking appeared. She had
the same orchard brown hair an hazel eyes her mother had. There was even
a resemblance in her face to that of her mother. She rushed over an
wrapped her arms around Destiney. “Oh my child. It is good to see you
have arrived safely.” She removed her arms from a now tense Destiney.
This woman was studying her face an the confusion in her gaze. “Well
now… I don’t supposed that sister of mine has said much on me has she.
No I doubt she has. Come inside.”

Destiney followed her aunt inside the house in silence. The interior was
warm an inviting. A fire was burning merrily in the hearth. Beside it
sat a pair of chairs and a small table meant to hold snacks for those
sitting near the flames.

“I have to get back to work now, Kat. I will be home late tonight.”

“May Halone watch over you, love.” her aunt replied to the knight who
had led her here, obvious to her by now he was her uncle by the exchange
between the pair.

Destiney chose to sit down in one of the cushioned chairs by the fire,
watching her aunt with wary eyes. Her aunt stepped out of the room for a
moment with a brief mention of getting snacks. She returned shortly
with a tray containing tea for two an some small sandwhichs. Destiney
felt her stomach rumble as she had not eaten much on the long journey
from Gridania to Ishgard.

“Please. Eat. I am your mother’s sister Katrienne. You are welcome to
call me Aunt Katy.” Her aunt sits down in the chair opposite of her,
watching her all the while with a warm smile on her face. “How I wish
Halone would have blessed us with a child as beautiful as my sister’s.
You look so much like your mother. But I can also see some of your
father in you. Those blue eyes… Not an Aurifore trait for sure.”

“Aunt Katy…” Destiney tries the unfamiliar words over her tongue. “Who are the Aurifore?”

“Well now. That would be the name of the family your mother an I were
born into. A name your mother gave up the day she departed from Ishgard.
Father was none too pleased an he disowned her. I think they were both
entirely too bull headed about the whole ordeal.” Aunt Katy says as she
picks up one of the tea cups from the tray. “It is not a name of one of
the four houses here in Ishgard but your grandfather an his father
before him has made quite a name for the family.”

“I want to go home.”

“Home? I’m afraid that is not possible at this time, dear.” Aunt Katy
replies with a frown. “Your mother asked me to care for you until it is
safe enough to send you home once more. Until all this nasty business
with the Garleans has been cleared up… I am afraid this is your home
until then.”

The rest of the evening passed in silence. A few times her aunt tried to
strike up conversation again with her. Only for silence to once more
claim the air between them. Destiney stared at the dancing flames of the
fireplace, only vaguely recalling eating an drinking what had been
offered. Her mind was still on what she had left behind.

Why was she being carted away towards what her parents thought as safety
while others were forced to endure. Why was she so special… If only
she could have remained to fight. Or at least allowed to remain to
search for her missing brother.

Her sleep was restless as she tossed an turned that first night in a
strange place an a bed she did not know. So far away from everything she
had ever known.

*~*

Destiney was going through the motions of living here in Ishgard. Her
aunt had provided her with new clothes, ones more befitting a member of
Ishgard society. Her aunt had even gone as far as to bring her books to
read. There was however no where she could go to pratice with her bow.
Her uncle had been less then pleased with the idea of her using a bow an
waved her off as if she was nothing more then an insect. Still people
gave her strange stares, heard the whispered rumors. Not like she wanted
to make friends anyways. All she had to do was wait for her parents to
send for her. She did not need these people or this life. Surely her
parents would send for her soon.

Word did soon arrive. Along with the whispers of what happened at
Cherteneau Flatts. The rage of an elder primal. The weather had been
getting worse since the days of the battle, delaying the messages to
Ishgard.

Destiney rushed home towards her aunt an uncle’s house. Surely there was
now word that her parents wanted her home. She burst through the door
an skidded to a halt. Her aunt was holding a letter in her hands, a
sorrowful expression upon her face. Her uncle knelt beside where she sat
in a chair, a comforting hand on his wife’s shoulder.

“What does the letter say?” Destiney asked, her voice so low, her heart
clenching in fear. That expression on her aunt’s face twisted a dagger
in her chest. Something was wrong. So very wrong.

“Destiney… Darling…” her aunt said softly as she got up from the
chair to walk over an wrap her arms around her neice. “You father…”

Destiney broke away from her aunt’s arms. Her face was a mix of
disbelief an horror. Her father? Curse the Twelve! If anything had
happened to her family… She did not want to hear the next words her
aunt spoke. Her knees gave out on her as she crashed to the floor. She
felt like silence was swallowing her world. Eventually that silence gave
birth to sound. It was the keening that broke the silence. Her world
was breaking apart beneath her. She screamed an raged as her aunt tried
to console her broke heart until both her voice an body could take no
more. In silence she cried herself to sleep within her aunt’s embrace.

*~*

The days became a blur. Rarely did she even attempt to get out of bed.
Her eyes merely gazed out the window at the snowflakes that had begun to
fall upon Ishgard. Her father was gone from this world. An she was not
even able to return home for the funeral. Still trapped in this
miserable city, her world having come undone. She had no desire to climb
out of bed. Only did her aunt or uncle make her get out of bed on
occasion to at least bath an eat. Most times her aunt brought in a tray
of food an asked quietly that she at least make an attempt to eat
something.

However things changed. Slowly an painfully. But there was at least one light within the darkness that had become her heart.

Somehow her aunt or uncle had managed to pull some strings. Dekkarrra
crouched beside her bed as she rolled over to look at who had come in
this time. At first she thought he was a mere illusion conjured up by
her hopeless heart to give her more reason to despair. But his hand was
warm over her own. It felt so real but she was so afraid to move or say
anything. Afraid it would all shatter away as if a dream. The smile on
his face was gentle but his eyes were filled with sorrow. She probably
looked horrible to him. Spending all her days in bed an barely eating.

“Destiney…” he said her name softly but full of love an concern.

“Dekkarra…” her voice cracked, so used to sitting in the silence with only her dark thoughts to keep her company.

“You’ve… Your aunt…” he sighed as he tried to find the words he was
searching for as he held her hand within his. “She said you’ve been
locking yourself away. She’s worried about you. I’m worried about you.”

“Why should I care? My life…” tears welled up in her eyes as she
thought of how much upheaval she had suffered in such a short time.

“Your life is not over yet. What would your father think if he saw you
like this?” he asked softly as one of his hands caressed her cheek.
“You’re letting yourself become a ghost.”

His words stung her heart. She knew them to be true. If her father had
seen her wasting away like this over sorrow… He would have punished
her with extra training until her fingers bled from pulling the
bowstring so much. But there was still so much despair in her heart an
soul she could barely bring herself to move. Her fingers gripped the
hand holding hers. How was she supposed to find her way back from the
darkness?

“I…”

“The Destiney I know an love is stronger then this. I did not fall for a
princess, I fell for someone with fire in her veins an a spirit full of
life. Someone who is strong enough to overcome this an allow it to
temper her into something stronger. We are not adults yet… But I know
you are going to be something great when you manage to pull yourself
back to your feet again. Because that is the girl I fell in love with.
She is every inch a fighter like her parents.”

Tears trailed down her cheeks in silent paths. His hand gently wiped
them away, his eyes steady an full of love. She would never understand
what he saw in her. A girl who wanted to fight an protect at one time
before her world had fallen apart. Yet… He was still like a missing
piece of her soul. Just being near him again… It was a shard of light
within the darkness. Something for her to grasp an hold onto with all
her might.

“I can not stay for long. I begin my training to become a healer soon.
But… I will write to you an return when I am able. Please, Destiney.
Do not give up. Come back stronger from this. I need you.” he said
softly as he leaned over her to kiss her forehead softly.

She could barely find the words to say as she watched him turn to leave.
She wanted to reach out for him. To beg him to stay. Somewhere deep
inside though the embers of herself were kindled by his presence. By his
unwavering love for her.

*~*

Destiney slowly began to make her way back into life. So long spent abed
had left her weak. Her father would have endlessly lectured her about
letting herself go so badly. Overtime she found a quiet place down
around the Brume to build her strength back to where it once was. In
silence with nothing but her thoughts. The look upon her face was enough
to deter most into leaving her along. That an possibly ending up with
an arrow to the gut. When she wasn’t pulling the strings of her bow, she
was running. Feeling the sting in both her lungs an her skin from the
cold.

Her thoughts turned to the Garleans. Everything was their fault. Her
father… Her happy life… She would find that lost fire an blaze it
bright. She would get her revenge on the people who had murdered her
father. Those that had snuffed out a bright star in her life. They would
pay.

Her books an such that her aunt continued to provide were a distraction.
One that was welcome after a day outside strengthening her body again
in the now frigid air. She found she loved some of the stories. They
were an escape from the world. At least when they were novels. She found
she preferred the stories containing heroes or romance.

This was how her days in Ishgard would be spent. At least until the day
she would depart once more for the world outside those sealed gates.

Surprises

(Wow another journal entry so soon! o_o Well I couldn’t help it. 😀 Last night was very much fun an a bit surprising. I was laughing so much by the end of it. I blame @onidephor! An don’t apologize @winterdeepelegy 😀 It might have been brief an Frost being Frost but I was totally tickled personally. ^_^ Thanks for a great night you two.)

I’m not sure how to feel right now. I know it has only been days since the last time I wrote in here. An I was not feeling particularly… Light-hearted after the end of my last entry. But last night… Was much needed in helping me lift my spirits.


Though before I get to that part of the day. I did finally set up a room at the Order’s house. I figured it was a good idea. In case I have any more nights where I end up drinking an am not sure if it is wise to walk home. As well as it gives me a place to keep clothes an books as needed. Not that walking back an forth between the Order house an my own home is that bad. Just saves time. Chee aided me in getting the room setup. We even added an extra bed in case Chee needed a place to crash while visiting. I finished not long before the gathering. So I went almost as soon as I was done.


I joined the others at Bronze Lake last night for our weekly gathering. When I got there is was just members of the Order. I took a seat in the waters near Dusk and Kagato. Lady had insisted on tagging along. She has been rather… Insistent since the other night. Kagato was just beginning to tell a story of why he is not comfortable in Gridania.


I however was very much distracted. An reminded once more of the other evening. Frost showed up an I noticed Aimee dragging him over to a nearby part of the waters. Of course I could not help but notice his bandages once he removed his shirt. I… very much wanted to go over an see about his well being. But… He had Aimee there. He was in good hands. She would understand more then I would anyways for those involved in the experiments.


Needless to say I felt… Inadequate. For all my experience as an adventurer… I was still so inexperienced as well. As well as Lady was being so overly pestering. I think she knew I was feeling a bit down. So as the waters cleared of a few people I went over to sit near Kagato an join him for a drink. He seemed quiet an distracted as much as myself. We got to speaking an mention might have been made of things that happened the week before at Forgotten Springs. An Oni might have heard us. I swear Oni an Raiden have superior hearing…


Oni eventually, though tired, made his way over to us. I was pretty much trapped with my back to a wall. Well more like a railing an plants. But still very much the same, trapped. I could not even maneuver past him to escape away in the water where he might not follow. Just when I thought I was doomed to the same fate as Felix… Aimee did something to stun Oni for a few moments. So I took my chance to slip past him towards the waters where Aimee and Frost were.


An slipped… On water… My footing was already not as steady an sure since I had had a glass of wine. So I found myself on my butt rather ungracefully, still a good distance from safety. I thought for sure I was doomed to be licked by Oni as I sat there.


The next thing I knew… There was a hand reaching out to me. For a moment I could not breath as I looked up to see Frost looking down at me. I thought my heart might stop in my surprise. I took his hand an allowed him to help me to stand. Though the moment was so very brief… I couldn’t help but desire more. Argh! Why must I have such a weakness for men like Raiden and Frost… Of course all I could think of was to thank him for his aid. Well… At least I did thank him though I wish I could have managed more then just that. As cold an anti-social as he can be… I still want to try. I still want to attempt a friendship with him. As I’ve heard it said before, still waters run deep.


I think… I felt much better after the night ended. Much better then I had when the night began at the very least.

Through It All

(A little early on this week’s journal entry but I felt I needed to do this. 😀 The title for this post is because I am listening to Through It All by Spoken.)

It seems almost like a weekly ritual at this point to write in this journal after the beach gathering. However I am a few days early this time. I could not wait a few more days before writing here again. I have my reasons which I plan to write of course. I have a need to voice my feelings privately right now.


Dinner at the start of the week was pleasant enough. Though I painfully admit I do not recall much of what happened. Well other then Shaleth needing medical attention upstairs before dinner. However he did manage to lose his voice despite how I tried to help him. At least I was able to remove the pain he was feeling otherwise with some healing magic.


I seem to have a trend this week though. I can not recall when some of these events occurred. I know they occurred through the week but some of the days are just a blur. Not because they were busy. I can not say why so much of what happened has been so blurred. I hope it is not a sign that I am getting ill or something worse. I feel fine so maybe it is just a simple slip of the mind. I do have a lot on my mind of course. So it is very possible my problem is just too much going on that I can not process everything properly.


I did learn this week why Kagato wears an eye-patch. As well as why he seems to drink so heavily or hides behind a jovial mask. But I do not know if it is my place to say anything about his problems an my opinion is just that. An opinion. I can not say if what I believe is accurate. Only he could say if it is. So for now I shall keep my thoughts to myself or this journal. Though if he wishes for someone to speak to… I would be open to listening. My problems were no where in the same league as his are now but… I do remember the darkness of my own heart from those days past.


Rhisi took us out a few days ago to the North Shroud. We had a task to try an calm down some of the problems occurring near Fallgourd Float. Apparently the Dallahan were being troublesome. The Treants were also in a very displeased mood. We believe the Ixals were to blame so we went into their encampment to thin their numbers an hope that would calm down some of the disturbances in the area. I can only hope we were successful in the work we did that night.


I was in the house the next night just chatting an trying to make some more notes on some more difficult medical things. Such as the workings of the inner body an minor surgeries. Nothing overly complex but still I feel more at ease making notes. I feel I learn and remember things better this way. Well… Frost came by… I had to step outside for some fresh air. Especially after I had dropped my notebook an the stupid thing fell open to the doodles from the other week… I do not believe he saw them though.


I was still outside when Frost went to leave. I was finally able to apologize for Costa. He seemed as he usually did. Indifferent. I… I told him how I wanted to get to know him better. Possibly be friends. Only to be politely told he doesn’t really let anyone get to know him. If it is because of the… experiments… I’m not afraid. I’d say it is hard to be afraid of danger when you are so used to being at the center of it. Or nearly killing yourself. Though I have come far from those days where my life was near meaningless. An before I joined the order I was a free adventurer getting into all sorts of messy situations with people I barely knew beyond a name. So I will continue to try an get to know him as best as I can. I don’t care about his past. I want to see who he is now, not know who he used to be. I will… Just be cautious so as not to anger him. Or be a pest. I can be patient. Or at least try to be as patient as possible.


Of course Felix had such lovely timing… I nearly squeaked in surprise when back to the house as I was about done with my conversation with Frost. I had to wonder just how much he had heard. I talked with him for just a bit before I went back inside to rejoin the others. Where I spent some time talking with Rhisi. She wants me to talk with Aimee. Healing stuff mostly. Aimee… I do like her. She is just… A bit intimidating after that day in the medical room at the company house. I must say… Having a medical knife pointed at you because you startle someone is quite a surprise. Though I did in a unintentional way deserve it for bothering her. I guess I really do need to find time to speak with Aimee. If I can get her away from Oni. Oni… Still has not gotten even with me for Forgotten Springs. It makes me slightly paranoid.


Last night…


Last night was my first real mission. My first real healing job with the Order. It was… Much different then I expected. I am used to a fight against enemies, supporting those I am working with. Not an encampment of refugees outside Ul’dah. But I am not against helping those in need either. I guess I have just never considered doing such as an adventurer. We had a task to remove bee venom an help the healing process of those that had been stung because the local bees for some reason were… Very angry.


The first two people I helped went alright. There were no problems. Daisy even helped me by distracting the one lady while I worked. Thankfully I had some bandages handy in my pouch an gave them to Aimee and Dusk. (I might have had them because I was still debating if I wanted to turn Oni into a bandage mummy…) The third I tried to help started thrashing about… An I might have nearly lost my temper… I have been doing so well lately about keeping my temper leashed an under control too… I’m sure Aimee thinks less of me then before after that. I do not even have any sleep spells… Which was something she had asked me if I knew. Dusk had to help me out. I feel… Miserable. I feel like I should have been able to handle that better. These people were not adventurers or mercenaries. I should not have let myself think that way. I think… My teacher would be disappointed in me as well.


But… I will not sit in despair. I can not. I need to find my way past this. If I sit around an despair I will only find myself spiraling back down into the darkness of the past. I can not go back to that place again. If I do I am unsure if I can find my way free a second time… I will get past this somehow. I need to better myself. Learn from my foolishness. It was only my first true mission as a healer of the Order. I made a mistake. An I will find a way past that mistake. I have to.

Whirlwind

(Time for a new journal entry! :D)

It is almost hard to believe a week has gone by again. I thought last week was long. This week seemed to come an go in the blink of an eye. I feel like it has been a literal whirlwind. So many comings and going this week alone.


I was… Worried? Well confused most definitely. So many of the people I knew were in the order when I joined when their own separate ways. An new faces were accepted to replenish the ranks. So it feels like a very confusing time. So many new names and faces.


However the week started off… Interesting. I did not mean to get drunk the day the next day after the last dinner with some of the members that departed. It was certainly not because of their departures. It was… More of an accident really. I was making notes up at the bar. Medical notes of course. I have been looking into non-aetherical methods of healing. Just in case. I decided to relax with a glass of the wine that Felix had introduced me to at Bronze Lake a few weeks ago. One glass turned into two… An in the end I was a bit… Tipsy when Felix showed up at the house an joined me at the bar upstairs. Okay maybe a bit more then tipsy. Somewhere along the line Rhisi an Chee joined us as well. I did not know that Oni an Aimee were downstairs. An Chee got me all flustered by admitting I have a thing for handsome dark skin elezen men. Which of course… Raiden overheard… Sigh… I ended up with another glass which I drank before heading downstairs with Chee an Rhisi. Thankfully I did not fall down the stairs. From there I only remember pieces of the rest of the night.


I remember the doodles in my notebook along the edges of the page. A rough drawing of Raiden and Frost. Eventually one of Oni looking like a devil. An one that I believe is supposed to be my father an a dead Garlean solider with arrows stuck in him. I remember calling Raiden ‘yummy chocolate’ and poking Oni. An something about my hands not being cake. No idea about how that came up. The details were lost in my drunken haze. I must remember not to drink when Oni or Raiden are about. Not that I usually drink.


I was pretty nervous to run into either of them the next day after that night. Though I did talk to Felix for a bit that day. An I might have mentioned wanting to turn Raiden an Oni into bandage mummys for that night. So the two of us might plot against them to make it happen. This could be interesting.


We went with Rhisi on a mission for a client. I will admit… I hid behind the bookcase when I heard Oni an Aimee arrive. Thankfully either Rhisi took pity on me or bless the Twelve I got lucky not to be paired with Oni for the mission. Probably because this way both teams had healers. Aimee always seems to be with Oni. Chee was invited to come with us. So the team was Rhisi, Chee, and I. A solid team if you ask me. A free paladin, a bard, and a scholar. A nice little balance.


We went into a dungeon Chee an I have some experience with out in the Shroud. Though I will admit not with a lot of success. The problem with taking a team of people you do not know is often a lack of teamwork. Things went much smoother with Chee and Rhisi though. We encountered the many traps and ambushes. Thankfully I tend to carry a few vials of echo drops since I managed to trigger a trap on myself… We did manage to find what the client was looking for. It was on a rather fearsome looking creature. However it was easier then it appeared it would be to fell. I think it is because the three of us worked so well together.


A couple of days later was when all the new faces began to join us. Konner an Rhisi had decided to recruit a few outsiders to aid us with a mission into the East Shroud. Sylph territory… How I despise those annoying pests. Those stink bombs… Ugh… But we had to venture deep inside their territory to find what Rhisi needed for the wards around the house. It was… Interesting to say the least. I nearly jumped out of my skin when one of those nasty toads landed right behind me. Thankfully we were able to make it deep enough to find what we needed upon one of the tempered Sylph. Rhisi gave it to me to hold on to. I was… Surprised. Maybe it was because she knew I would have a pouch of some sort to hold it within. Or maybe because she trusted me. It… feels nice to think that I might be trusted after only a short time with them. Then again I have given them no reason to distrust me either. We returned to the house to chat for a bit an I gave the crystal back to Rhisi.


I attempted to be present the next day to meet some of the other new faces. However I was feeling a bit under the weather. So I was forced to leave early. The extra rest was good though. I felt better today because of it. I think it might have been too much time in the heat that day. Though I had not left before Lady an Luna seemed to be plotting things. I am still worried Lady might nip Luna. Though Luna seems to think it might be a good idea to try an ride Lady around the halls…


Tonight though I got to meet some of those new faces I had not had much of a chance to interact with. As well as people outside off the Order as well. Including a few people from the neighborhood Chee an I live in. I had met X’apa early in the week while over at Chee’s house. Apparently his Free Company has a house nearby. Rhela and Suumiko from his Company came with him and us to the gathering tonight at Forgotten Springs.


I did as I usually do an was distracted by the first member of the order I felt like talking to. Which happened to be Kagato. I was a bit surprised to see him outside of his gear tonight. I don’t recall him being in swim gear last week at Costa when I first met him. We talked for a bit before I chose a spot to sit an wait for Chee to return. I would have conversed with our neighbors but they seemed busy with a few friends of theirs that had surprised them by visiting. Chee returned from whatever business she had to deal with shortly before we were joined by Tita. Apparently the girl is going to be coming by the Order house soon to take care of the chocobos. We had a pleasant conversation until she had to depart. Chee had departed as well since she was nodding off sitting beside me. So I joined Mithra and Kagato near the steps. We talked about Raiden for a few moments. An of course… Raiden has not forgotten… Ugh! Eavesdropper!


It was towards the end of the night that I could not help myself. I seen Mithra and Oni standing together. Both of them seemed so transfixed on what was happening. Mithra was rubbing his belly and Oni… Well he was enjoying it. So I pushed them both off the dock into the water below to cool them off. I am so going to pay for doing that. I am sure Oni is going to find some way to get even with me. I hope it is not licking my face like he did to Felix the night I was drinking… I better watch my back for a little while. Heh.


Anyways… I should get some rest.

So… I did a thing… Dest was drunk at the FC house last night. It was very much fun. An well she doodled around the edges of her medical notebook. Oni peeked at her doodles. Hence why he is bad. 😛 But I decided to doodle her drunken doodles. Why? Cause I can. An cause it was fun. 😀