(This was a tough one an really made me think hard about it. Only going to answer this for Destiney though. I haven’t decided for the other two characters. Thanks for asking @house-vexile)
Destiney always says she thinks the activities and games at the Gold Saucer are dumb. That gambling is foolish. But that is partly because she has such poor luck when it comes to gambling. However it is also something she secretly wants to do. Including actually becoming a decent Triad player.)
Destiney knew she had been pushing herself hard. Needed to push herself. But this was almost to the point of madness. Her body was tired. Everything ached. Between the work for the Flames, work for the Gods’ Quiver, errands for the Wailers, and her job at the Order… She felt near the point of exhaustion. Sleep had been little. Though thankfully it wasn’t nightmares this time. Those had not bothered her for some time.
She had nearly fallen down the stairs as she came down from getting a drink to take to her room.
“if you don’t rest, you don’t heal.”
Destiney blinked an looked up to see Rhisi standing near the front door. She gave the seeker a tired smile. There was never any arguing with Rhisi. At least not to Destiney’s point of view. To her Rhisi was like the mother of the company. Fighting a battle against her real mother had always been a losing battle. The same could be said for trying to deal with Rhisi.
“Right… Sorry. I guess the rest of my work can wait for a bit. Maybe you could make me a bit of that chamomile tea? Then I promise to go rest for a while. You always make good tea, Rhisi.” Destiney smiled warmly at the company’s leading lady. A bit of that soothing tea and a good rest. That sounded good actually.
It had taken her so long to finish this job. All that hard work an effort. Only for some random mercenary group to come an snatch it all away. Right from under her. She had failed. It would mean another night outside wherever she could find a place to rest. Hoping she would be safe. Sleeping lightly tonight.
She sighed heavily as she sat down on a nearby bench. At least the weather in Thanalan was never too terribly bad for sleeping outside. A frown crossed her features at the sound of paper crinkling beneath her. Her ears twitched as she moved to pick up the scrap left on the bench. Words were written upon it.
“It will get better.”
Her tail swished softly behind her as she looked at the words. A bit of hope when days were rough. She didn’t know if this had been for her or if she had just chanced upon it. But… It was still a ray of light on a very dark day.
“Things will get better.” She hummed softly to herself as she curled up on the bench. Today was just a bad day. Tomorrow she could try again. Give everything a fresh shot again. There was no giving up. She had a dream to strive for.
(Journal time! I still have some more ask/writing prompts to finish but I wanted to get this done first before I get too distracted. An because @onidephor mentioned wanting to see what Dest writes about this time since Leera and Oni are involved. 😛 This one is going to be a long one. This past week has been fairly emotional for Dest. Hell just the last few days have been. XD)
Now where did I leave off last time… Oh yes the knock at my door. Apparently I have a cousin who decided to come from Ishgard to watch over me. On occasion. Apparently he has been spying upon me for a while now. An those in my free company. It seems my grandfather has not been too fond of some of my recent activities. He originally sent Lance to spy on us an report back to him.
Lance claims he’s giving him false information though. That Lance just wants a chance to prove himself to me now. Since Dusk and Raiden seemed to think he’s not a danger to me… I’m giving him a chance. A chance to prove himself and the words he claims to be true. So we’ve spent some time getting to know each other. Just a little bit so far. Both of our lives are somewhat busy. So we just try to find time where we can.
There have been no recent missions. At least none that I know of. Life has been busy for many of us this past week. Work or family requiring attention from many. Myself included. Between visiting my mother and dealing with my cousin. An some work for the Flames and Gods’ Quiver.
I met Feterra… Apparently a friend of Nate’s who is staying with him… We had words the other night. Not exactly pleasant words. I do not know how much of the things she said I believe or want to accept with at least a grain of salt. She said Nate hates healers. That she can’t believe Nate would be friends with me. Unless we were ‘special’ friends. Just because Nate stayed on my couch in my room at the Order’s house when he was injured… Nothing has ever happened like that between us. I would never ask that of Nate. I would be afraid it would ruin what does exist between us if I even did. An I can see the pain when he mentions Granger.
I was… Angry. I think I kept my temper rather well despite the anger I was feeling towards her words and judgements of the bond between Nate and I. Thankfully Rhisi arrived an our conversation ended. I took a walk rather then continuing to let her goad me into further anger. It would not benefit anything for me to have remained. She did apologize to me later before I went to bed. I was no longer feeling well.
Oni had been the reason I had felt ill. He had come home with items from a recent hunt. All I could remember was the day I had found him hunting. The blood and sight I found… The thought still made me fearful to be around him. I have been avoiding him an staying away from him as much as possible since that day. At least until last night.
Rhisi had pulled me aside. She had mentioned the day before about asking me how I was doing with the cards. She did ask about the cards… But there was more to our discussion then just that. We also discussed Oni. I was asked if I had ever tried to ask the cards about Oni. I had. Twice now. Once a while back when I was last having problems with him. An then again last night. Each time the answer was the same. Incomplete. Unfinished. Rhisi thought it was actually fitting of the man she knows Oni to be.
I… Came to a realization last night in that discussion. I don’t want to die. Not anymore. Not like I once had. Somehow in my fear while watching Oni… In thinking I might be next… I realized I no longer wanted to die. I had never given the idea much thought since the day I tried to die outside of Occidens. I had wanted to die so badly. I had wanted to take those soldiers with me. Instead I had left a broken mess. I was saved and could not understand why. I was inches from death. Seconds maybe. Yet I was saved. For so long… I couldn’t understand why. I’m not entirely sure I still know why. Yet… Maybe I am finally on the path to understanding it.
Rhisi told me a small story. In a way she seems to think that the events that occurred on my nameday… That this is in a way a part of my rebirth. That it is like the warriors of her story. They live to fight an die in battle. Only to sometimes live. That it is not a second chance. It’s a path towards a rebirth. To accepting that they are alive an that is how they want to be. That the path is never easy. It can be dark, stormy, painful, and filled with fear. It’s the acceptance that is the rebirth. Realizing you want to be alive.
Maybe part of me did die that day. Maybe that part of me my uncle, Leon, an Dove saved was worth it. Worth breathing life back into. Even as broken an shattered as I was. That fragment they worked to restore… It just took me time to realize I wanted to be alive.
Of course this doesn’t mean some magic wand has been waved an I will be one hundred percent alright from now on. I’m still an imperfect creature. I am still finding my way in life. I am still figuring things out. I’ll still have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities. Where all I feel is the darkness in my own heart. That is still a part of who I am. There is no magical cure. There is no quick fix. But… There will always be people who love and care about me though. An somehow I will make it through even when my doubts threaten to drown me.
Oni… I am still unsure how I feel about him. Other then… I still want to be his friend. I was honest about that with him last night at Bronze Lake. I do not know if I can look at him the same way I once did. I do not know if I will ever be able to easily accept the predator he is deep down. I do know that the people of this company that know the truth trust him completely. Rhisi said he chooses us. He chooses to give everything he is to us. That even if he was half mad with hunger he would still do everything in his power to control himself and protect those he calls his family. Somehow… I need to find a way to accept this. In my own way. To come to terms with what lurks beneath that gentle exterior.
Leera… He knows I gave up the potion to Felix yesterday. Felix felt it was dangerous. That somehow it was some plot against Oni. I had never once intended to give it to Oni. Leera gave it to me. It was for my safety. But… I knew Felix wouldn’t let up. I didn’t want to ruin what is between Felix and I. Our friendship does mean a good deal to me. So I gave it to him. Apparently Leera had been nearby an observed. He contacted me over the linkpearl he had left me. I felt bad. I’m not sure if he thought I would lie to him as Felix asked me to or something else. He sounded disappointed. Whether it was just in Felix or the fact that I handed it over I do not know. One thing I will admit is that I am disappointed that I will not hear from Leera again for a time. He said he had to go away for a while. However I did let Felix know I would not stop talking to Leera just because I handed over that vial.
It is unfair to make me pick sides. To keep me in the dark an assume I should side with one based on words alone. I still think there is some shred of good in Leera. I will continue to keep this stance until he proves me wrong otherwise. Till he proves to me that there is no redemption for a soul like his. If I can accept Leera… Surely I can find a way to accept Oni as well. They are both dangerous in their own ways. I will find a way to come to terms with everything. One way or another. I hope. I believe.
There is one thing that bothers me though… I had stepped away from Felix, Dusk, an Rhisi to answer Leera. I told them it was something personal. Which.., It technically is. Still it feels so close to lying… I found myself unable to admit to who I spoke with. Not with Dusk and Felix present. I know their opinions of Leera. I knew they would frown upon it.
Damn it all… I totally did not have a chance to speak with Nate last night either. I spent the first half of the night enjoying the quiet as I was left alone. I mean Konner did come to check in with me which was kind of him. Eventually though Nate brought over a guest who was staying at the house. Yet I did not get a moment alone with him to speak with him about Feterra.
I had a first that night. Nate brought Taka over to me who was very visibly pregnant. I have never dealt with a pregnant person before. Nor have I ever had to check on the health of a child. I am still such a novice healer yet Nate… Seemed to think enough of my skills to bring her to me instead of Aimee. I was nervous and unsure. Yet… I think I did alright.
Overall… This past several days has been a literal whirlwind. I feel like I have been up an down and all over the place emotionally. Many good and bad. I think… Once I can sort through my feelings… Sort through how to handle everything… I will be just fine. Yes… I think that is accurate.
She had been looking at the flakes of snow as they fell down around her. Not once did she realize her expression had gone melancholy. She barely visited Ishgard anymore. Not since she had left roughly over three years ago after living in this cold frozen city for five years. There was no reason to.
Though a part of her everyday wished someone had stopped her that day. That someone would have kept her from going. But… Then she wouldn’t have ended up where she was now. Was what she suffered through until now worth it?
“It will get better.”
Destiney look down from the snowy sky at the sound of the voice. Her eyes found the speaker, tilting her head in thought. She had never met this woman before. Yet there was something about the elezen lady that felt… Kind.
“Thank you.” She replied quietly before offering a gentle smile. Yes everything she had suffered through would surely be worth it some day. Things would surely get better.
“Have I?”
Destiney looked down at the note in her hands. Daisy fluttered near her shoulder. Some days it felt like she could never do enough. That there was still too much left unfinished. Or too many people who could use help that she just was not good enough to provide. She kept pushing herself to her limits. Trying as hard as she could to be worthy of such words like those that graced this shred of paper.
Daisy’s gentle hand on her cheek made her finally quit staring down at the paper. The fairy’s face was full of concern for her. A small smile for her dear companion.
“Alright. Maybe a little?” She laughed as the fairy nodded to her words this time. Maybe she wasn’t always as hopeless as she seen herself at times. She had people who trusted her. People who relied on her. Warmth and acceptance no matter how she could screw up at times. “Thanks for the reminder, Daisy. An whoever sent this note. I guess I have done at least some good.”
Screenshots of just Dest this time. A couple of which were from moments during RP that the angle for the camera was just perfect. XD
Mostly FC screenshots in this batch. (Dest totally has a Nate problem… XD) I have more screenshots. Just these ones were all with FC members.
Fingers reached up to touch the edges of the white mask upon her face as she heard those words. She had gazed around to find who had spoken but the place was crowded as usual. Curse wanting to lose herself among a crowded place of all days. To be just another number among many. There was no telling who had said the words.
It was not one of her better days. Still dark moments came upon her from time to time though they grew less frequent the longer she was calling the Order home. Today was one of those darker days. Someone had just had to say those words.
“Everyone has burdens…” She mumbled more to herself since she had no idea who had spoken. She also didn’t want to look like she was crazy for talking to herself. So her voice stayed soft an almost unheard among the clamor of people around. “Some are just more painful then others. Especially for those of us who feel we deserve those burdens.”
Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously!
- “Is there someone you hold dear?”
- “Don’t you feel any guilt?”
- “You’re actually afraid to be alone, aren’t you?”
“There must be something you fear.”
“Do you have a home?”
“Is there someone you like?”
“Are you really expecting a positive outcome out of this?”
“Aren’t you ashamed?”
- “Aren’t you happy?”
- “Who do you despise?”
“How do you sleep at night?”
“What do you think of kindness?”
“What do you think of hatred?”
“Why do you fight?”
“Why do you live?”
“How much blood have you spilled?”
“How much death have you seen?”
“Don’t you think your actions are reckless?”
“Don’t you know how much good you’ve done for others?”
“Can’t you tell they love you?”
“Can’t you see he/she would die for you?”
“Can’t you tell the truth for once?”
“You’re not tainted.”
- “You’re not alone.”
- “You’re awful.”
- “You don’t think of anyone but yourself.”
“You’re an emotionless robot.”
“You’re just a lap dog.”
“It’s not over.”
“He/she needs you.”
- “Stop lying.”
- “Stop fighting.”
- “Stop pushing others away.”
“You’re cruel.”
“You’re far too kind. Too kind for your own good.”
“You depend on him/her too often.”
“You’re overprotective, it’s stifling.”
- “He/she is bringing you down.”
“You’re too timid, it’s easy to see you as a target.”
- “You need to listen.”
“You need to speak up more often.”
- “You’re weak.”
- “You’re too proud.”
“You won’t always be around to save him/her.”
“One day, he/she won’t need you anymore.”
“You can’t cheat death.”
“You can’t hide forever.”
“They’ll find out the truth eventually.”
- “That person is only holding you back.”
- “They’re too good for you.”
“You’ll be rewarded for your efforts if you keep trying.”
“It will get better.”
“You look lonely.”
- “You look bitter.”
- “You look tired.”
“You’re hiding a painful burden.”
“You’re perfect.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“You will always be worthless.”
- “Your hands are too dirty, too tainted to be clean.”
- “You’re lost in this world. Wandering without a purpose.”
“You’ll rise above them all.”
- “You’ll find your place in this world.”
“Eventually, someone will knock you off your pedestal.”
Spirit of the Warlock 