Tag: ffxiv roleplay

On By destiney1984Leave a comment

“Twelve hear me please… Give me strength…” The words were soft, barely above a whisper as she knelt on the cold stone before the steps leading towards the church. The pendant holding that half a shard of green stone clasped tightly in her hand as she prayed. Seeking the mental strength to endure.

Of all the places her feet could carry her in the Twelveswood… They had brought her to the church. She had never been overly religious. Of course she believed. Yet that never made her truly devout.

She fought back the urge to sob as she remained kneeling there. Nate had run off without a word to her. Only words to Rhisi over the linkpearl. So soon after he had promised her just the night before. Promised to let her know if he was going to do anything dangerous or rash. An it worried her sick. Especially with the way he had been messing with corrupted aether. She felt like she was losing him slowly. Like every day he messed more with that corrupted aether was driving a wedge between them. She didn’t know if her heart could stand it. To lose what she had with Nate… It would be like reopening the wounds of losing Leon and her father all over again.

“Please… Don’t take him from me… Not him too… Please… I’m begging you..”

There was a soft masculine growl from behind her. Not one that fell upon her ears. She never heard him. Could never see him. It had been that way since his death. In part… He preferred to keep it this way.

Sun-kissed skin and pale jade eyes. Draped in the attire of a bard with the hat slanted forward just a bit further then normal towards his face. The pale golden tattoo on his face barely standing out in the warm glow of the church and stars. Hair the color of straw peaking out from beneath the hat in spots. Still the same. Just as he had been when he had passed from this world to become trapped as a spirit. Leonceault Chassebel.

The tall duskwight took the few steps to close the gap between them. His brow furrowed as he heard the first sobs. He knelt down next to her an wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind. He knew she wouldn’t truly feel his presence. Yet he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. Longed to try an ease her heart.

“Destiney… Everything will be okay…” Leon whispered softly. Though his words would fall on deaf ears. She did not have the ability to see the spirits of the dead, let alone hear them. Nate however did. He growled again softly. He was definitely going to let that boy have a piece of his mind the next time they met. “Just stay strong. An keep believing. I know you can.”

Destiney hiccuped softly as she moved to stand once more. Her cheeks glistened from the tears that had fallen down them. The half-mask on her face hiding any other signs of the pain in her heart right now. Leon remained where he knelt, looking up at her with mixed emotions.

“You have become so strong. Do not give up now.” His words were soft an meant towards her regardless of her inability to know they were said. He took his own chance to offer a prayer to Oschon as Destiney wiped her cheeks on the sleeves of her tunic.

Those pale eyes watched as she turned to leave the church grounds. A soft sigh escaped between his lips as he stood to follow after. Her invisible guardian.

On By destiney1984Leave a comment

(I still have asks to answer. An other things I wanted to do. Updates to tags an blog layout. But… It’s been a rough week. So I apologize on the delay of answering the asks an such. Thanks for sending them though. Happy New Year? Anyways. I kind of fell asleep way too early an now I’m awake. So journal time for Dest while I can’t sleep. Personal mentions: @jonahsage @onidephor)

I didn’t want to believe. I wanted to scream. I wanted… I wanted to hurt. Myself maybe? The one responsible maybe? I’m not sure… My emotions are so very conflicted at the moment. I haven’t wanted to cause physical pain to someone in so long.

Granted my interactions with Felix and C’lest helped to ease the pain of my heart some. I only remember bits and pieces of Nate coming to speak with me because I was drunk. I had needed to drown the pain.

I still have trouble dealing with the idea that Oni does not trust me. That he actually growled an snarled at me. Did not seem to believe I was being honest when I admitted to when the last time I saw Leera was. I regret calling Oni a monster yet… At the same time I do not. Wanting to kill Leera… Suspecting me of reviving Leera when Terra had supposedly killed him… Would I have done it if I could? Yes. Did I? No… I did not even know…

Leera… Oh Twelve… I hadn’t even known… I felt like it was Leon all over again. Unable to do a damned thing to save someone. Failure… The only difference is I did not have to watch Leera die. I wish I could have been there… I’m not sure what difference I could have made… With the abilities Terra has…

I had run off to the Twelveswood to hide after the horrible news. I thought I was well hidden up in a tree. However C’lest had found me even after I insisted multiple times that I wanted to be alone. I caved an spoke with her for a bit. Let out some of the pain that was carving a bloody wound in my soul. But I don’t really know the girl either. So while it helped… It didn’t completely soothe my soul either.

I decided to avoid the Order’s house for now. It is better then taking the chance of running into Oni. I don’t want to be anywhere near him. I think what hurt worse then Leera’s supposed death was not being trusted. Being suspected. I had been honest anytime I was asked about Leera. Gave up the potion Leera had given me before my namesday. Yet… To not be trusted by the head marshal… That is a wound worse then Leera’s supposed death. I refuse to see Oni until he apologizes to me. I didn’t deserve that treatment.

I asked Felix to come over to my house an share drinks with me. I needed to drown the pain. I know Felix and I never agreed over the whole Leera thing. Yet… Felix has always been someone to listen to me over drinks. I was glad for his presence. An his attempts to make me smile an laugh with his teases. It helped to further soothe the pain and lift my spirits. There may have been talk of me trying to learn to use a sword. Which lead into the teases from Felix.

Nate came by not long after Felix left. Yet I only remember parts of what we talked about. I remember asking him to take me to where Leera had been supposedly killed. I wanted to see. I know there is probably nothing for me there yet I want to go. I want to see. He made me promise though that if Leera showed up that I contact him. He doesn’t trust Leera alone with me. I changed the wording of the promise some but we did come to a compromise. I told him I would contact him if I knew he could be around. Otherwise I intended to protect myself if I was alone with Leera. Though honestly… I’m not sure how effective it would be. I’ve watched Leera feed. At most if Leera meant me harm… I could only defend myself an hope to escape.

I guess Nate carried me to bed or I managed to stumble there myself. I can’t remember how I got there. Anyways I should find some work. Keep myself busy. Keep my mind away from the hurt. Distractions. Yes I need distractions…

Bring Back the Pain

On By destiney1984Leave a comment

(Sort of backdating this entry a bit. Cause I meant to have this done an posted before the holiday. An I don’t want to put the happy stuff of the holiday with the darker stuff of this journal entry. So this happened before the starlight party. I want to say she wrote this the day before the party. Personal Mentions: @jonahsage @kindlingdusk @onidephor @sunshineandlotus )

The last many days… I’ve been bounced between so many varying shades of emotion. Pain, emptiness, sadness, anger… Fear. Love. Hope.

Our last mission was going well enough. Though the cards predicted it would be a rough night. A night we could pull through together. We did. But… There were some very rocky bumps in the road this night. The worst part was whatever that device was that threw us all into memories. Memories meant to cut an bleed us dry.

It felt like being back in that very moment. The memory was literally that vivid. I could actually feel the pain all over again. I was forced to replay that moment once more. As if the nightmares had never been enough. To relive the moment before I nearly died. To be brought back to that brink… To see those sneering Imperial faces hovering over me once more… Even as Konner set us free I found myself stuck hovering at the edges of that pain.

Dusk’s voice was the first thing I heard. I heard her calling out to me. Bringing me back from that trauma of the past. I forced myself to stand once more. To put one foot in front of the other again. However I was hesitant enough in moving that I believe I worried Quarcy. His concerned hand on my shoulder was enough to finish dispelling the hold that memory gripped me in. I was able to keep going forward with the mission. Though I took the time to slip on my half-mask, relishing in the comfortable feeling of it upon my face. Hiding behind that mask.

I returned to the house after the mission with the intent to help at the ward with any injuries. However I found myself a patient instead. I should not have worn the jacket into the heat of Thanalan despite the extra protection it offered. Rhisi forced me to lie down an rest before I fell over from the heat exhaustion that was winning out. I only remained long enough to regain some of my strength. My mind was too restless with what happened. I returned to my own room instead.

I spent the next few days at my house, turning away even my cousin. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want company. Though after a day I found myself back at the Order’s house. Dusk was sitting near the fireplace with tea. Tea sounded really good right then. She offered some to me as well as her ear to listen to what troubled my heart.

I explained it all to her. The events of that day outside of Castrum Occidens. My desire to kill and be killed. Only for my life to be spared in the end. Saved by my Uncle and his companions. Leon… I admitted to how broken I was afterwards. Not understanding why I was still alive back then. Her words though helped to soothe some of the pain that plagued my heart the last few days. Dusk and I might not always see eye to eye… But right then I was grateful for her warm presence.

Life returned to relatively normal for about a day. Apparently though at dinner I found I had missed something important. There was so much tension. Rhisi pulled Nate and myself aside. We were told about an incident in the Order’s past before either of us had joined. An incident involving Oni and the siblings. An Castrum Occidens…

I was warned about Leera being invited into the house. Damn it… I couldn’t sit there an argue with Rhisi though. I left things at that. Choosing to say very little.

I found Nate in the garden the next day. I had intended to head to Wineport. Alone if needed. This was my problem. I couldn’t take the chance that the Order could end up in another situation like that again. If I was forced into Occidens right now… I would be useless… Unable to function… A liability.

Nate however offered to help me. I wanted to refuse. Didn’t want him to watch. Didn’t want to show him just how truly broken I am… Yet… I allowed him to come with me. To be my anchor. To force me home again if I found myself unable to keep going. Because I trust Nate.

I forced myself to go as close to that Castrum as I could. Tried so hard to push further. Yet my legs gave out on me. My body turned traitor to the memories of that day. All I could do was sit there on the ground an tremble like a leaf. Damn it all… Nate’s presence and voice were all I could grasp. I wanted to do better. Yet I had failed… I allowed Nate to sweep me back off to the house.

I will try again. As many times as needed. Until I can overcome whatever part of me I broke that day. I will become stronger. I will not be a liability. Nate offered to continue helping me with this problem. Sweet gentle Nate…

I have not gone back again yet. I have gotten too caught up in the preparations for Starlight. I did though manage to run into Leera in Gridania while running errands for my mother.

Leera looked bad. Well physically he did. I asked him about the attack on Lance. He insisted he couldn’t remember. He seemed honest enough in his answer. He also seemed to be far more emotional then usual. I tried to convince him ‘Father’ is just using him. It didn’t work. I tried to change tactics. Tried to sympathize. I do want to help him. Be his friend. Yet for all his praise towards that man… I still feel he would be better off without that man in his life. Forcing him to nearly freeze to death… Driving Leera to the brink of madness if my cousin’s words were to be trusted. I’m not sure I made any progress. Though I feel I understand a bit more. As well as a bit of the way Leera thinks. I did get him to allow me to heal the physical damage though before I left. I think I may have caught him just a bit off guard with calling him my friend though. Yet his words of warning me not to get in trouble for his sake were touching.

Anyways… I better get finished with those Starlight decorations.